The Dating and Relationships Thread!

Back to your dream Kerrick... that's some trippy stuff, and dare I say "freaky". I've had a lot of dreams/nightmares over the years, but nothing that I could really say was God speaking to me, or anything truly spiritual.  Your dream really sounds spiritual in nature and not just cuz you ate some bad Linguini that night. Heavy stuff indeed.

alldatndensum wrote:

My wife and I met through a mutual friend when we were still in high school.  We started seriously dating when we were 17.  We got married when we were 18.  We've been together almost 26 years.

The secret?  I keep hiding her ammo!  

Actually, I think it is kinda hot when we go to the gun range together and she shows she can take out a perp if need be.  Women + firearems = darn sexy!

Yes indeed!      Plus it makes for a great date to take her shooting!

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

Back to your dream Kerrick... that's some trippy stuff, and dare I say "freaky". I've had a lot of dreams/nightmares over the years, but nothing that I could really say was God speaking to me, or anything truly spiritual.  Your dream really sounds spiritual in nature and not just cuz you ate some bad Linguini that night. Heavy stuff indeed.

Yeah, I've still been pondering upon that one.  It's a good reminder to me that "good things" not of God are not good things.  I've been putting a lot of thought and prayer into where I'm putting my hope - which in part was also inspired by that dream.  It's not easy to discern what's "of God" and what's of this world/human emotion, etc.  I think so long as we keep God as #1 priority, all that other stuff can remain "good stuff."  Perhaps not coincidentally, a couple weeks ago I had two dream-things in which I was kinda in-between wake and sleep and then heard this very clear voice say, "without faith, hope is worthless."  Then again moments later, "without faith, love is worthless."  So I've been pondering upon those too.

kerrick wrote:

Well the way things seem to be progressing... there's a certain lady I think I'm gonna be asking out on a date soon.     More on this tomorrow, now I'm going to bed!

Ok story time haha.  Tell me what y'all think.  A few friends have been talking about setting me up with this certain pretty lady who works at the church coffee shop.  From everything I've gathered, she's a real classy gal.  So a few weeks ago, I was setting up stuff for our weekly Wednesday-evening Bible study (of which I'm a leader for).  There are two buildings at church with two separate alarms.  I had to get some stuff from the other building, which was alarmed.  Apparently when I had taken a break from leading for a bit, my alarm code had been disabled without me knowing and never reinstated, even though I got my key back.  So I totally set off the alarm in the other building.      With my tail between my legs, I went back to the coffee shop where she was working and she had to vouch to the phone operator of the security company for me.  So that was our introduction!  I know, I know, I'm one smooth operator.     Well I didn't see her for a couple weeks but then a couple weekends ago I stopped by to get a cup of coffee (and see if she was working of course haha) and she was there.  The other worker took my order though and I was trying to catch her eye but she was busy working.  But as I was getting ready to leave, she perked up and started chatting with me.  She was trying to look busy by fiddling with the coffee-grinds bin the entire time we were talking though was accomplishing absolutely nothing haha and seemed very genuine and intentional in engaging in discussion about good stuff - beyond the regular chit-chat.  Anyways, she was at church last night and sat a couple rows in front of me.  After the service I said hi and we talked for probably 15 minutes or so.  She seems like a really cool woman and I think there might actually be some potential for something here.  If the timing feels right, I'm pretty set on asking her out for a walk (we both enjoy walking at the same place we found out), dinner, or the like.  I'll be sure to keep y'all posted!  But as I said, I'm trying really hard to focus on keeping my hope rooted in God and not that of romance/future/whatever.  God's also been mindful of reminding me of His timing and not to get focused on mine.  So it's all good stuff.  So there ya have it.

Sounds like you have your priorities in order Kerrick.  If this relationship progresses in marriage (and possible children) you will have a great story to tell your kids some day about how you met.

Haha thanks!

Eat beans before the date. If she can't handle you passing gas it's over.  

Worst date ever: this actually happened to me a long long time ago. I'm supposed to meet this guy at a coffee shop. He shows up an hour late. I'm about to leave when finally he shows up. No lie he told me he forgot. I then told him that if it wasn't important enough for you to remember them I'm forgetting about this date too. Ba-bye!

^ That completely sucks ! And kudos to you for not being one of those ditzies that are like "oh, that's ok, I understand" - Way to stand up for yourself !!!

Quote :

 It's not easy to discern what's "of God" and what's of this world/human emotion, etc. 

Kerrick, it don't get any easier as you get older either... Only thing I can say about that is, if you're grounded in His Word and seek His will for your life, He will make a LOT of things clear. He will open obvious doors and close others... but there are things that come up in life that are not clear, those are the times you gotta lean on His Word and His Truth and His Understanding... and wait. He will reward your faith.
(wow, I sure know this and understand this and have experienced this... but am not practicing it right now - however, the fact that I'm not practicing it, does not change the Truth of the statement)     

Dang Cheese, that's super lame.  But G/F is right; kudos for sticking up for yourself and your honor!  People can be so lame...  I've never had a terrible date in that sense, though a few where we just didn't click.  One of those I felt/feel bad because it was obvious to me we weren't a good match after one date but I didn't clearly communicate that.  She was really let down.  (For the record, we met at a bar through some mutual friends and went on ONE date.)  I didn't want to assume her feelings towards me and patronize her by "breaking up" with her after one date, so I erred on the side of inaction.  I've been told that was the right thing to do, though she still got hurt in the end.    

Thank you G/F for your words of wisdom!  Yes, that is my intention.  For so long - especially in dating - I have tried to do it on my own and I just fail miserably every time.  Though not consciously, I think my wisdom is greater than that of God's.  So in more recent times I've really been trying to focus on staying grounded and seeking Him first and foremost, and letting everything else fall into place (though abstaining from apathy all the while!).  It's no easy task, though certainly rewarding in the end.  Also, our brains our gifts from God too and I think within contemporary Christianity we tend to often overlook that fact.  While our abilities to think, discern, and decide are impaired by our humanity and sin, they still function alright and I do believe God intended us to use 'em!

While that seems such a simple statement, what you said is very deep and true. I've never thought of our brains as a gift from God... I'm going to ponder that today. Some good wisdom there man.

MikeInFla wrote:

I'll post later how me and my wife met when not having to type it on the iPod. I'll wait til I have the computer handy. We've been together over 20 years now. Met when we were 22.

Whoops, forgot about this thread. Back in 1992 I was a DJ at a Top 40 station. Calls came in endlessly from all kinds of pre-teen girls. I normally ignored them. I was 21 and most of 'em would say "I'm 18 let's meet". I'd ask "What year were you born?" and there would be a pause while they tried to do the math and I would get them off the phone. Anyway, one caller was very nice and would always win stuff and request songs. She said she had recently enrolled for evening school at the University Of Tennessee. Since I was a student there I agreed to meet her on campus. We talked for hours on the phone before meeting. I met her one night before class and we went to a "poster" sale they had set up in the University Center. We hung out quite a bit on campus before her classes in the evening. She went to a different high school than I did but we knew a LOT of the same people. It's a wonder we didn't meet earlier and both said if we did it would've saved a lot of heartache with previous relationships we both had. 

 I had one of those radio broadcasts "live on location" one afternoon and she stopped by to say hi. At that time she had a 10 month old son. I took a real liking to the kid and i guess the rest is history. We married in 1995 and have 3 kids. Josh is 21, Summer is 12 and Autumn is 4. Been through a LOT together, goo and bad but mostly good. As I write this I wonder where all the time went.

Quote :

 I wonder where all the time went.

AMEN !!!!
I began sharing my faith with Lisa back in '96. In a short time, I met her 3 year old boy and 9 year old girl. I recorded all the episodes of VeggiTales for them to watch (figured I was talking to their mother about the faith, why not slip in some Veggis for the kids)
Fast forward 18 years later, Lisa and I will be celebrating 17 years on 2/22, my 26 year old daughter graduated with a Masters degree in Occupational Therapy last year, and my 20 year old son is successfully climbing the ladder at a T-Mobile making more money than I am in commissions.

As you said.... where did all the time go ????

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

While that seems such a simple statement, what you said is very deep and true. I've never thought of our brains as a gift from God... I'm going to ponder that today. Some good wisdom there man.

Glad to hear!  How's that been going?  While there certainly is "right" and "wrong," it's not always that straight-forward.  Oftentimes there are multiple "right" choices and I believe that is fully intentional on God's part to allow us multiple different choices - all glorifying to Him.  He gave us our noggins to do just that!  Obviously He wants us fully dependent on Him always, but I don't think that is a license to turn of our brains either.

MikeInFla wrote:

MikeInFla wrote:

I'll post later how me and my wife met when not having to type it on the iPod. I'll wait til I have the computer handy. We've been together over 20 years now. Met when we were 22.

Whoops, forgot about this thread. Back in 1992 I was a DJ at a Top 40 station. Calls came in endlessly from all kinds of pre-teen girls. I normally ignored them. I was 21 and most of 'em would say "I'm 18 let's meet". I'd ask "What year were you born?" and there would be a pause while they tried to do the math and I would get them off the phone. Anyway, one caller was very nice and would always win stuff and request songs. She said she had recently enrolled for evening school at the University Of Tennessee. Since I was a student there I agreed to meet her on campus. We talked for hours on the phone before meeting. I met her one night before class and we went to a "poster" sale they had set up in the University Center. We hung out quite a bit on campus before her classes in the evening. She went to a different high school than I did but we knew a LOT of the same people. It's a wonder we didn't meet earlier and both said if we did it would've saved a lot of heartache with previous relationships we both had.

I had one of those radio broadcasts "live on location" one afternoon and she stopped by to say hi. At that time she had a 10 month old son. I took a real liking to the kid and i guess the rest is history. We married in 1995 and have 3 kids. Josh is 21, Summer is 12 and Autumn is 4. Been through a LOT together, goo and bad but mostly good. As I write this I wonder where all the time went.

That is a wonderful story!  Way cool.      I like hearing stories like that.  Was it pretty instant attraction for the both of you?

Dangit, I am definitely at the point where the next opportunity I have, I intend on asking this gal out, but it just keeps on not working...  I was catching up over burgers and beer with my best friend (who is going to propose to his girlfriend tomorrow!) at my favorite spot before the evening service of church, and who walks in the door but Miss Barista Beauty herself!  She didn't see me at first but I said hi and we chatted for a bit.  But she was with her friend and I mine so we didn't get a chance to really talk.  Then she was at church but we were both caught in conversations with different people and I think she left.  Ugh.  Oh well, I guess I'll have to just keep going by the coffee shop and hope she's working haha (this is getting expensive!).  I'll be sure to keep y'all posted if/when anything happens!  I'm definitely learning a lesson in the good 'ol "God's timing" deal haha!

kerrick wrote:

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

While that seems such a simple statement, what you said is very deep and true. I've never thought of our brains as a gift from God... I'm going to ponder that today. Some good wisdom there man.

Glad to hear!  How's that been going?  While there certainly is "right" and "wrong," it's not always that straight-forward.  Oftentimes there are multiple "right" choices and I believe that is fully intentional on God's part to allow us multiple different choices - all glorifying to Him.  He gave us our noggins to do just that!  Obviously He wants us fully dependent on Him always, but I don't think that is a license to turn of our brains either.

MikeInFla wrote:

MikeInFla wrote:

I'll post later how me and my wife met when not having to type it on the iPod. I'll wait til I have the computer handy. We've been together over 20 years now. Met when we were 22.

Whoops, forgot about this thread. Back in 1992 I was a DJ at a Top 40 station. Calls came in endlessly from all kinds of pre-teen girls. I normally ignored them. I was 21 and most of 'em would say "I'm 18 let's meet". I'd ask "What year were you born?" and there would be a pause while they tried to do the math and I would get them off the phone. Anyway, one caller was very nice and would always win stuff and request songs. She said she had recently enrolled for evening school at the University Of Tennessee. Since I was a student there I agreed to meet her on campus. We talked for hours on the phone before meeting. I met her one night before class and we went to a "poster" sale they had set up in the University Center. We hung out quite a bit on campus before her classes in the evening. She went to a different high school than I did but we knew a LOT of the same people. It's a wonder we didn't meet earlier and both said if we did it would've saved a lot of heartache with previous relationships we both had.

I had one of those radio broadcasts "live on location" one afternoon and she stopped by to say hi. At that time she had a 10 month old son. I took a real liking to the kid and i guess the rest is history. We married in 1995 and have 3 kids. Josh is 21, Summer is 12 and Autumn is 4. Been through a LOT together, goo and bad but mostly good. As I write this I wonder where all the time went.

That is a wonderful story!  Way cool.      I like hearing stories like that.  Was it pretty instant attraction for the both of you?

Dangit, I am definitely at the point where the next opportunity I have, I intend on asking this gal out, but it just keeps on not working...  I was catching up over burgers and beer with my best friend (who is going to propose to his girlfriend tomorrow!) at my favorite spot before the evening service of church, and who walks in the door but Miss Barista Beauty herself!  She didn't see me at first but I said hi and we chatted for a bit.  But she was with her friend and I mine so we didn't get a chance to really talk.  Then she was at church but we were both caught in conversations with different people and I think she left.  Ugh.  Oh well, I guess I'll have to just keep going by the coffee shop and hope she's working haha (this is getting expensive!).  I'll be sure to keep y'all posted if/when anything happens!  I'm definitely learning a lesson in the good 'ol "God's timing" deal haha!

Yes it was an instant attraction -- what was nice was casually talking on the phone about music, school, movies, etc before we met. We liked the same kind of music and were both students at UT and she knew some of the people that I knew. She did give me her phone number one night when I got off at midnight. I called her when I got home and we talked until about 6 am before I had to get ready and leave for class. We talked for HOURS upon HOURS (I wish we still talked this much but we now know each other so well we don't talk near as much - in fact I feel like she is a part of me most of the time but life keeps us busy, work, kids, etc). I agreed to meet her at one of the buildings before class. Then we would meet in the evenings and went to that poster sale. We drove around a lot too. I guess the rest is history.... 

Which reminds me of another story of others I met while working in radio. I was always apprehensive about meeting someone over the phone. A buddy of mine said to be careful (he worked at the radio station with me). He said "the ones that sound attractive look like Quasimodo and the good looking ones have terrible voices. If you want to meet one make it a public place and have them let you know what they will be wearing. They will ALWAYS be wearing the "pink top" or whatever they say they will be wearing. You tell them you'll wear a radio station t-shirt so you're easy to see. Then don't wear it. This way if she isn't what you like you can keep walking and make up a lame excuse why you didn't show. And never give them your phone number". LOL. Keep in mind this is before the internet so most radio DJ's had unknown faces.... For the record my wife had (and still has) a lovely voice. Her 10 month old son is now 21 and refers to me as "his only dad". What more could I ask for?

^Aww that is way cool!  Glad to hear your wife has a lovely voice.  I dunno, looks are important and all, but you're gonna be hearing that voice 'til the ends of your lives so thank God it's a good one!

Oh, and I'm gonna need y'all's prayers for this Saturday...      So I asked that gal I mentioned above out for a date and shockingly she said yes!!!  It's been a good majority of a year since I've been on a date so I'm a bit rusty.  I'm stoked though.      Date #1 this Saturday!

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

Lisa and I will be celebrating 17 years on 2/22

Happy anniversary!!!  You two doing anything special?  Congratulations; 17 years is no small feat!

Well, in a few hours I'll be off to embark on the first date I'll have been on in a while.  I'm going to have to assess as the day progresses how to play it (i.e. if she's just really not feeling it, taking her back, etc.) but I'm planning on taking her hiking, exploring one of the multiple epic beaches nearby where we'll be hiking, then dinner afterwards.  I'm going to keep it flexible but I've got a pretty good plan in my mind.  I'll be sure to keep y'all posted!  I'm excited.  Through the little I've gotten to know her already, I think there might actually be some serious potential here.  We shall see!

Praying your date will go well (er is going well)

Thank you!  It was a great success.      More dates to follow for sure.  We met at 2 and didn't say goodbye til 9!  We went on a beautiful hike, got some hot beverages at a cool spot and walked around the cliffs above the ocean, and had a wonderful dinner at a spectacular Thai restaurant.  We had great conversations ranging from family, spirituality/spiritual warfare, faith, dreams, laughter, and the like.  Overall a great success!  I'm looking forward to seeing her again.   

Kerrick:


Boink.


(I'm never going to let that go… )

Great news K, glad to here the first date went so well!

Driven wrote:

Kerrick:


Boink.


(I'm never going to let that go… )

Ha! Please don't let that one go; it's great!

Staybrite wrote:

Great news K, glad to here the first date went so well!

Thanks dude! I'm excited to see where things go, and it'd certainly seem she is too.   

Well, date #2 another success!      We'll see how things go, but I'm optimistic!  So far so good!

Question to the more seasoned folks out there:  How do you feel towards [im]balance of emotions?  I'm a pretty steady-Eddie (haha, up the irons) when it comes to emotions.  In friendships and relationships I'm typically the calming force, more logical one, etc.  In the last dozen or so years, I've cried probably three times, and all have been during breakups in which I have hurt someone else (i.e. breaking up with them) which I hate.  This gal is self-described as very empathetic and is quite prone to crying and other outwardly-expressed emotions.  Is this something that causes closeness/intimacy or division/separation?  By that I mean, is it better for a couple to be more similar in terms of how a couple deals with life via the expressing of emotions and perceiving/internalizing/externalizing feelings or to be different and sort of "balance" each other (i.e. the less "emotional" one consoling/encouraging/steadying the other and they in turn bringing life to the less emotional one by opening up their hearts and the like)?  Not sure if that makes sense, but it does in my head!  What are your thoughts on this?  It's something I have limited experience in, as all but one relationship I've been in has been with women who are much more emotional than I am.  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I obviously have no real experience with this, but I'm not sure I could put up with an emotional person for too long, because I'm more of the logical/rational type myself. My prospective prom date (still haven't asked her), for instance, seems to be pretty stable, which is part of why I like her so much.

I'll give you the engineering answer - it depends   For some couples, having two different personalities works just fine.  Others have trouble with it.

^Ha, I was afraid of that...  I had an engineering professor who would give that answer to EVERYTHING and it was so frustrating haha!

I have noticed that opposites tend to attract. It works really well for most, but then not so much for others. But I tend to think that when most relationships don't work it's because both people are unwilling to give more of themselves than they expect to receive. Relationships (especially marriage) is/are hard work.

And hey, what's with this engineer bashing? Isn't it bad enough that we can't dance and don't tend to dress attractively?