The Dating and Relationships Thread!

Agreed.  My poor sister has not been so fortunate in terms of the family's approval and I know it's been difficult for her (and her boyfriends).  Granted, she hasn't always had the best taste in guys...  Her current boyfriend is pretty great though.

kerrick wrote:

Agreed.  My poor sister has not been so fortunate in terms of the family's approval and I know it's been difficult for her (and her boyfriends).  Granted, she hasn't always had the best taste in guys...  Her current boyfriend is pretty great though.

My daughter has had horrible tastes in guys as well....sadly a lot of women have the same problem....my wife included  

Lisa was accepted by my family.... prematurely!  We were just friends, she was still married and not a Christian... One day she came into the pharmacy I worked at and we were chatting when my Mom dropped by.  I introduced her to my Mom as a friend (we were just friends -honest to God!) And later my Mom did that "women's intuition" thing and said "she likes you" - I said yeh, she's just a friend mom, she's married. And my mom said "I can see how she looks at you and how her eyes light up"... I was like "No Way !" 
Then a week later my brother stopped by the pharmacy. At one point Lisa walked in to get a Snicker bar (she'd always get those back then) and I introduced him to Lisa (at that time I had been sharing my faith with her and gave her a Bible and stuff) - after Lisa left, my brother says "so when's the wedding ?"
I said "what is up with everyone ?? She's JUST a friend !!!" He looks at me funny and said, "yeh... sure"

Apparently they knew way ahead of me that we'd be married the next year... life is funny that way.

kerrick wrote:

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

Such excellent news indeed ! 

Go back a while and read some of your old posts about being single and dealing with the pain of lonliness-  it's such a trip to realize your future had this in store... I always tell people who are struggling g with being alone to just hang in there.... God knows and He will not let you linger by yourself forever. I used to think the same thing as I was alone for 2 years - it was very difficult and I felt I would never meet someone. That's when we need to wait on God and trust He will supply our needs... cuz He WILL !

God is good indeed.    Thank you again for your prayers and support through it all!  I'm not out of the woods yet obviously (it's still early on), but things are pretty dang good right now.  Here's Veronika and I wine tasting on Sunday.  (My Alcest shirt makes it look like a hand is coming out of my wine glass haha...)

She's a lefty! Us fellow lefties notice that kind of thing.

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

Ditto!

A couple weeks ago Veronika and I were discussing ways to ensure we're keeping God at the center of everything.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.  My initial thoughts were to perhaps be praying together, reading the Word together, maybe doing devotionals together, etc.  She liked that idea though brought up the fact that doing so can build intimacy really quickly between the two people - sometimes beyond that of where the couple is at that time, or also over-spiritualize the relationship.  (Does that make sense?  I'm not sure I'm explaining that well...)  I'd like to hear folks' thoughts on how - in the context of a relatively serious yet still early-on relationship - two people could build intimacy together with God at a healthy pace.  The Bible has instructions of what marriages are to look like with respect to our faiths, gender roles, and the like... but not so much in dating.  Is it any different in the context of dating would you say?

In my past, I've never been too good at being a spiritual leader when it comes to dating.  I'm decent at maintaining some level of focus on God when it comes to just me... but when another person is a part of the equation... not so much.  I'd love to hear some wisdom that I know exists within this group of fine folks!  Thanks guys and gals!

Also, I found a beautiful woman who likes drinking beer and shooting guns.  I just had to share that.

You two share the Triple Gs ... God, Guns, and Grog!  Awesome!   As much as I joke about women only being safe when they are in your rear view mirror, I congratulate you on your blessings and your mind-set to keep the relationship as it should be.

For my wife and I, we do a weekly devotion/discussion type thing. We've actually missed weeks here and there but generally Wednesday night we at least talk about things. Two weeks ago we left church early for a family function so this week's time was listening to our church's podcast together.

I think it's a great thing to do.

kerrick wrote:

Also, I found a beautiful woman who likes drinking beer and shooting guns.

Hopefully drinking only AFTER shooting, but very nice that she can enjoy those activities with you. But I also have to say your bolts should be open since you're not on the firing line and they aren't in cases. Never trust the safety or assume it's unloaded!

ishmael81 wrote:

For my wife and I, we do a weekly devotion/discussion type thing. We've actually missed weeks here and there but generally Wednesday night we at least talk about things. Two weeks ago we left church early for a family function so this week's time was listening to our church's podcast together.

I think it's a great thing to do.

Thanks dude.  We pray before every meal and discuss the sermons at church, etc. but it's not regularly scheduled.  Would you recommend doing so at this point in our relationship?

topshot rhit wrote:

kerrick wrote:

Also, I found a beautiful woman who likes drinking beer and shooting guns.

Hopefully drinking only AFTER shooting, but very nice that she can enjoy those activities with you. But I also have to say your bolts should be open since you're not on the firing line and they aren't in cases. Never trust the safety or assume it's unloaded!

Haha well this wasn't at a range but rather on private property...  The redneck is strong in us.  There we have "ranch rules."    (Though no one was even close to being buzzed, let alone drunk.)  The core gun safety rules are strictly followed always (finger always off the trigger unless you're about to shoot, always keep the barrel pointed in a safe direction and never pointed at anything you're unwilling to completely obliterate, and know your backdrop).  But otherwise we're a bit less strict on the other stuff such as keeping 'em in cases, bolts open, and the like.  (Because what if a coyote comes over the hill???  We've got to be ready to blast it!  Unloaded guns in cases aren't good for much...)

In the early stages of a relationship, I really don't see a need for a scheduled devotional time together....plenty of time for that later.....for now, just talk to each other, build that rapport, that sense of connection, get on the same page in your beliefs if that's possible, pray together, and pray for each other.

bassdude wrote:

In the early stages of a relationship, I really don't see a need for a scheduled devotional time together....plenty of time for that later.....for now, just talk to each other, build that rapport, that sense of connection, get on the same page in your beliefs if that's possible, pray together, and pray for each other.

I agree with Bassdude. 

ditto

I want to offer some input as a lifelong single…
 

Quote :

Go back a while and read some of your old posts about being single and dealing with the pain of lonliness-  it's such a trip to realize your future had this in store... I always tell people who are struggling g with being alone to just hang in there.... God knows and He will not let you linger by yourself forever. I used to think the same thing as I was alone for 2 years - it was very difficult and I felt I would never meet someone. That's when we need to wait on God and trust He will supply our needs... cuz He WILL !

I like to avoid terms such as loneliness and aloneness because they suggest discontent, which goes against the grain of Philippians 4:12: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
 
My point is that that ‘any and every situation’ in question applies equally to ‘whether single or married’. 
 
I Corinthians 7:1 goes hand in hand but as more figurative as opposed to literal (it is good for a man not to marry) in that perhaps there are people who can accomplish things in life single that they might not be otherwise if married.
 
A bit further down in the passage verse 17 provides further clarification:
 
Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him
 
I am not comfortable with the phrase ‘He will not let you linger by yourself forever’ because it can put a potential false sense of expectations in the eyes of a singe person.  For example, what if an individual’s assignment and calling is as a lifelong single?  This is why I feel it is best not to make general or token statements about God or how God works unless we first reconcile them with scripture (or at the very least understand that each person is different and as a result his/her respective assignment and calling in life will be different). 
 
Please note that I have been a Christian for over 35 years and, as a result, come to think in terms of long chunks of time.  Looking back over the past 35 years and reflecting on what I have gone through and how far I have grown in the faith and as a Christian person, it puts Romans 8:28 in proper perspective:
 
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
 
Some things we may not understand and that good in question does not always seem to apply, but I feel Proverbs 20:24 sheds further light on the situation:
 
A man’s steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?
 
My point being that in looking towards the next 35 years I can trust that God is going to continue to work for the good (even if I do not always understand what that good in question entails), whether single or married.
 
The other day I was praying about being a lifelong single and Proverbs 3:4 immediately popped into my mind:
 
Let love and faithfulness never leave you…
 
There are a couple of ways to look at things here:
 
If you have love and faithfulness (even if as a lifelong single) then how can you possibly be want for anything?  Isn’t it sufficient to possess love and faithfulness- and have that favor and a good name in the sight of God and man that goes hand in hand?  Is it possible to achieve that previously referenced contentment based upon this alone? 
 
Or more specifically, shouldn’t love and faithfulness be the goal whether married or single?  If a person is single and (again) love and faithfulness is the goal, then (in my opinion) the attainment of these qualities would make us a good mate.  Likewise, might love and faithfulness be qualities we cherish (and insist upon) in a potential mate?
 
I feel it is more important to encourage the single person to pursue that assignment and calling in question and make that corresponding love and faithfulness the priority.  My personal philosophy is if I meet the right person in the process then that is fine but if I do not then that is fine as well.

If that's your calling, more power to ya.

The pain of loneliness I've experienced in my past has been an excruciating pain- and I was clearly not called to be alone.  I was thoroughly discontent... UNTIL I decided to give it ALL to God and told Him with a sincere heart that if He wanted me to stay single and just serve Him the rest of my days, so be it. Within a few short days He brought Lisa into my life. 
I sometimes wonder if He just wanted me to surrender to Him totally, THEN He blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

I sometimes wonder if He just wanted me to surrender to Him totally, THEN He blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.

I wouldn't be surprised. God works that way a lot.

Well, Veronika and I had our first official "Skype date" last night and thus officially beginning the long distance part of our relationship.  (She's in Chicago for a month at a conference and then will be returning to Barcelona.)  I'd love to hear anyone's input and recommendations on how to do the long distance thing well.  It's new territory for both of us.  Thankfully, we were able to build what I believe is a pretty solid foundation for our relationship while she was here.  But this is going to be quite different.

Something we wanted to do was to find a good devotional book we could both do together.  She was given a few Christian books and we landed on one that's not so much a devotional, but rather a godly look at the questions we should be asking ourselves/each other before we take the next step in our relationship.  I think it'll be very good.  So that's one thing we're doing, in addition to emailing and Skyping as often as possible.  Any other advice from folks who have tread these waters before or know someone who has?  Thanks all!

Never did the long distance thing but to me it sounds like you're heading down a good road.

I hate to point out the elephant in the room but if you're doing a study about "the next step" and what that looks like, that may be tough. Barcelona is a long way from California...

But I'll be praying for you two crazy kids that it all works out.

Never did the long distance relationship either, but will be praying for the both of you.  I'm glad you have Skype to keep you in communication.

Thanks guys!

Ishmael, as for the "next step," I suppose one could call this relationship a rather "intentional dating relationship" (in hopes of not sounding TOO hipster-Christian haha).  I'm 28 and she'll be 31 in a month; we were both looking to settle down from the get-go, i.e. neither of us are dating just for the fun of it but rather to determine if each other is someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with.  At this juncture, it's looking that way, but we're also still pretty early on in it all.  So I think it's a good time to start thinking about such things.  Indeed, it's going to be tough though...  Things have become pretty serious and we were used to seeing each other almost every day.  But we knew this day was coming and so here it is.  I think the long distance thing has the potential to really ground us further by forcing us to not depend on physical proximity and the ease that often comes with that.  Nonetheless, prayers are much appreciated!

Dating sucks.... relationship building is very hard work.... and the older you get .... the harder it is....

Yeah I've been wading back into this arena and its beyond frustrating....  "remembering what it was like" aint like being in it.... 

Just a little vent there.... As I close in on 50.... (I'll be 48 this year) this stuff just gets more and more complicated.... As God said "its not good for man to be alone..." ....

  I just realize the less and less I really know about life... about God ... and about relationships... I watch the relationships of others and just wonder what kept them together through TOUGH stuff.... I realize the answer but both parties had to COMMIT to it.... anyway.... enough of my ramblings....


Dating sucks.... not opposed to it.... but it still sucks....

I've never dated before. Do you get cooties?

Not if you put on Cootie Spray.

mr.electric47 wrote:

Dating sucks.... relationship building is very hard work.... and the older you get .... the harder it is....

Yeah I've been wading back into this arena and its beyond frustrating....  "remembering what it was like" aint like being in it.... 

Just a little vent there.... As I close in on 50.... (I'll be 48 this year) this stuff just gets more and more complicated.... As God said "its not good for man to be alone..." ....

  I just realize the less and less I really know about life... about God ... and about relationships... I watch the relationships of others and just wonder what kept them together through TOUGH stuff.... I realize the answer but both parties had to COMMIT to it.... anyway.... enough of my ramblings....


Dating sucks.... not opposed to it.... but it still sucks....

Yup.  Gosh before I met Veronika, I was so fed up with the dating scene.  Waiting and hoping for the rare event that I actually meet someone I could potentially want to date, asking them out, going on a few dates, wondering if it's going anywhere, discerning my own feelings towards them and wondering what they're thinking about me, and ultimately parting ways is all just so exhausting and with little/no payoff.  Sure, you get "experience" (which to a degree, is helpful and necessary for determining just what are crucial characteristics your future spouse must/must not have), but after a while, it really just wears you down.  Getting your hopes up only to have them fall through once again is just grueling.  But I do believe that when it's right, it's right, and all that pain and suffering will have been worth it.  I am very grateful for Veronika - even though we're certainly not out of the woods yet.  She's back in Barcelona now and the long distance thing is really hard.  It wasn't so bad when she was still in the US and only a couple hours later than me.  But at nine hours different, our schedules don't line up at all so finding time to Skype is near impossible.  Sigh...

I have a friend who's ~45 and she has had quite a miserable time finding any quality guys her age.  She's an absolutely awesome woman of God and is fun, thoughtful, encouraging, and a delight to be around.  And yet she seems to always attract these loser guys...  Dating at that (your) age is rough: I've been with her through those woes and it hurts.  Hey... that being said... where do you live Mr. Electric?  Because I know a classy gal who's single and ready to mingle!