Taking the "poetic" out of songs

We've all heard those songs:

"I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walks a thousand miles and falls down at your door" Proclaimers

"I would die for you" Prince / Bon Jovi

I'd climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea, yada yada

When I'm singing these songs I always substitute reality for certain lines:
"I would walk a couple blocks, and I would walk a couple more, just to be the man who walks 4 blocks and crumbles at your door"

Can you think of any songs that need some reality and the poetic-ness removed ?

I think some of it is warranted.  I can imagine the Proclaimers wouldn't have had a hit if their song was "I Would Walk 2 Miles"  for some reason it just doesn't have the same "umph".

Besides it's hard to impress a girlfriend with "I Would Take a Paper-cut for You". 

Besides, it's only romantic if it's beyond grand.

I'll love you to the moon and back...  Only if you are an astronaut.

See, you guys get it... 

I personally think a song about "taking a paper cut" for your woman is freakin' romantic.. you know how bad those things hurt ????

Well, when I was much younger, like 7 years old, and didn't understand hidden innuendos in songs, I used to think that Hall & Oates "Maneater" was about a female cannibal who ate men.

I would rather have 100,000 paper cuts all over my face than spend one more minute with you.

Xid wrote:

I would rather have 100,000 paper cuts all over my face than spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue.....YIKES! 
Totally Brootal!

Samson wrote:

Well, when I was much younger, like 7 years old, and didn't understand hidden innuendos in songs, I used to think that Hall & Oates "Maneater" was about a female cannibal who ate men.

I'm sure that looking back on that now it's kind of funny....but quite scary as a kid

I'd drive a million miles… to be with you tonight…

I'd drive a max of 15 minutes to be witchoo babe.
I'd walk almost 2 blocks for my woman.
I'd climb a flight of 5 stairs for her.
I'd even step in a puddle of dirty rain-water for my love.

What's with Prince and Bon Jovi and some others sayin' they'd "die" for a woman ? 
I mean, if it came down to it, I'd protect my wife to the point of dying for her, but how can that be romantic if you're gonna just die for your woman only to have her remarry a little while later after you're gone ?

We should totally write a love song with realistic phrases and then I'd record it and make a billion dollars and buy an island and forget all the little people who helped me get so big and famous!

Ummm.....did I really say that out loud? 


We shall call it.........  Drum roll, please!


"I Love You More Than Meatloaf!"

I've got the hook right here.  Now we just need the verses.


Chorus:

"I'd pledge my mortal love for you
Though I'll seem like a sweet oaf
I don't love you more than chocolate;
but I love you more than meatloaf."

Oh, that's just silly talk right there.

Why?  I really like a good meatloaf!

Meatloaf good!

Verse 1:

You may think that I'm crazy
Or just a touch insane
But poetic flowery love songs
I hold in great disdain
No, I won't climb a mountain
or take an unlikely oath
But I'll tell you, my darlin'
I love you more than meatloaf

Join in the chorus with me!

Chorus:
I'd pledge my mortal love for you
Though I'll seem like a sweet oaf
I don't love you more than chocolate;
but I love you more than meatloaf.

Verse 2:

My mama used lots of ketchup
On top a meatloaf grand
Held together with some Quaker oats
And some onion in that pan
I loved it hot and steamy
Served up on my plate
Oh, how I loved her meatloaf
My love for you's almost as great!

Bridge:
No, this ain't just some foolish talk
I ain't trying to win debates
But I'm tired of all that lying
In love songs that deflate
I won't die or walk 1000 miles
For you or any girl
But I would share my meatloaf
With the best gal in the world

I am SO gonna record this and send it to the Dr. Demento Show.

That is absolutely fantastic!

Like a meat out of loaf…

Now we need to get ready to write something else totally irreverent and irrelevant!

alldatndensum wrote:

Now we need to get ready to write something else totally irreverent and irrelevant!

Once you are done with your blues album I can see you writing a whole albums worth of "twisted tunes"

Why not work some of that in on the next blues album?  I don't want to put Jesus on the back burner at all.  But, I do want to tell stories as well so that my albums aren't considered solely gospel albums.  Why not have a few twisted funny songs mixed in to lighten the blow of the more open tracks?  This current album has the "Standing In Line At Walmart" song on it as well as a new version of "Life's Just Bad".  Neither are what you would call Christian at all.

alldatndensum wrote:

Why not work some of that in on the next blues album?  I don't want to put Jesus on the back burner at all.  But, I do want to tell stories as well so that my albums aren't considered solely gospel albums.  Why not have a few twisted funny songs mixed in to lighten the blow of the more open tracks?  This current album has the "Standing In Line At Walmart" song on it as well as a new version of "Life's Just Bad".  Neither are what you would call Christian at all.

Cool idea, and I'm looking forward to the blues treatment on "Life's Just Bad", it's a great Mof1 track.