Jeff Foxworthy anyone???

I have spent the last 39 years proud of my
redneck heritage. Last night, I realized that I really wasn't a
redneck....until the following story took place. I will post it in Jeff
Foxworthy language so all can enjoy.....








You might be a redneck if:





Your sitting in the living room, surfing the internet when a movement
in the kitchen catches your eye.....and you realize there is a POSSUM
watching what your doing.













After nearly soiling my panties, I yelled at the little critter and he
ran behind my kitchen cabinets. I left a full box of rat poison for him
to eat when I went to bed. This morning, the entire box of poison had
been eaten. NOW, with my luck, he will die and begin to stink in an
inaccessible recess of my house.

But, maybe possums are immune to rat poison. He could become your new pet!

alldatndensum wrote:

But, maybe possums are immune to rat poison. He could become your new pet!

If the rat poison fails, I will switch to .22 caliber lead poisoning.....

Quit playin' possum!!!

I had to chase a possum out of our neighbors garage one time (she is a single mother). I couldn't scare him out. No matter what I did he just stood there and hissed at me. So I got a heavy glove, and forced him into a bucket, where I promptly dumped him in the feild behind our neighbors house.

wow never tried messin with a possum of course never had to but oh well

A rat as pet?
Hmmm I have to move.

We aint got no possums where I'm a livin', but my son caught a scorpion 2 weeks ago and we've been feeding it praying mantis'.

You must have a surplus of mantis in CA. Don't see them all that often here.

I want to know just what sort of "house" Mr. Redneck is living in that there's room for a possum to run behind the cabinets.

apologetixfreak wrote:

... we've been feeding it praying mantis'.

If it's plural wouldn't that be praying mantii?

topshot wrote:

You must have a surplus of mantis in CA. Don't see them all that often here.

I have been told that praying mantiseses (mantii? ) are very susceptible to weather differences. We had a few hundred in an aquarium at one time, and a bunch of the babys got out. We were worried that we had introduced and non-indigenous species into our ecosystem, and I was a little worried for a day or so. The science teacher who had given them to us (to watch over the school break) told us not to worry, that 99.9% would not survive our winter (which are not even all that cold).

--

Quote :

If it's plural wouldn't that be praying mantii

Ha ! That crossed my mind when I was typing that too !

apologetixfreak wrote:

Quote :

If it's plural wouldn't that be praying mantii

Ha ! That crossed my mind when I was typing that too !

Well I figured it would be good for a laugh.

Anyword on what happened with your opposum Sabidoo?

UPDATE:

The critter is STILL alive and well, after eating 2 boxes of rat poison. The only other alternative is lead poisoning.
Alldat was here earlier and when he opened my front door, the little rascal was sitting there watching.
My brother in law is bringing me a .25 cal pistol and I will HOPEFULLY have a much "better" update by morning.....hehehe

Hey, do us a favor after you catch (or blow away) this thing... post it in the picture thread ! I wanna see him !

apologetixfreak wrote:

Hey, do us a favor after you catch (or blow away) this thing... post it in the picture thread ! I wanna see him !

I will.

I still think that after feeding him that you should just get over it and name him Harold. He looked like a Harold to me. He would probably sleep with you at night when the weather turns cold. And, if any critters die on your property, Harold would probably help dispose of the remains.

I think it is the start of a beautiful relationship!

alldatndensum wrote:

But, maybe possums are immune to rat poison.

A prophetic word from Alldat it seems. The toxins will likely mutate him into a giant semi eating beast! Run for your lives!

Good idea to post a pic of Harold.
Maybe we need a Forum pet too ?

alldatndensum wrote:

I still think that after feeding him that you should just get over it and name him Harold. He looked like a Harold to me. He would probably sleep with you at night when the weather turns cold. And, if any critters die on your property, Harold would probably help dispose of the remains.

I think it is the start of a beautiful relationship!

I hope you're happy. Now even Yvonne is calling him (or her) Harold.

I think you have been smoking crack AGAIN. or listening to the Grease soundtrack too much....

♪♫ ...Grease is the Word, It's got groove it's got meaning... ♫♪

so how is harold is he in heaven! or is sitting at your back door

I have lots of froggies in the pond.
Big ones, smaller ones I have given them the name Kermie.
So I have a pond full of Kermies.

But sabidoo how is "Harold" doing? :D

♫♪Grease is the worlddd ♫♪

This one's my favorite dead possum pic

Harold has received a temporary stay of execution. I got a call to go back to work for a few days. The guns are ready though for my next night at home.....

Quote :

I think you have been smoking crack AGAIN. or listening to the Grease soundtrack too much....

Why this car is automatic...

It's systematic...

Why, it's hy-dromatic...

It's Greased Lightnin'!