Help! I'm Being Forced to Watch a Musical!!!

I’m not sure what to do about something.

I was all set to go to the Northwest Metalfest in Seattle this March and see some old 80’s NW metal and hard rock bands along with a few others (including Saint!,  yes that Saint).  But sadly it turns out the cruise my wife and I have scheduled happens at the exact same time.  I was really bummed about not being able to go to the show, but it’s not like I can change the cruise as it was booked over 18 months ago.

So my wife feels bad that I’m going to miss seeing Saint.  Without even discussing it with me first she purchases tickets to the 5th Ave theater in Seattle to see the “Rock of Ages” production.  Did anyone see the movie version of this?  Did you like it?  I didn’t.  It was like they neutered a bunch of 80’s rock songs and turned them into Broadway musical versions for a movie (I’m also not much of a Tom Cruise fan either).  Well it turns out they’re doing the same thing with a stage production.  She sent me a video that is supposed to change my mind…but frankly about 2-1/2 minutes into it and I wanted to cry.  Worse yet I found out that she spend in excess of $200 for the tickets.  I’m trying really hard not to be incredibly disappointed.

Should I just go to this thing?  I’m kind of tired of my wife impulsively spending money, and I can’t stand having to drive and park in downtown Seattle.  But on the other hand this is a really nice thing she tried to do for me (and I have no idea if we could even get our money back for the tickets).
If you are going to watch the video you’ll probably want to skip the first 30 seconds of some guy just talking.

So a bunch of hipster soyboys are trying to do metal? Sorry man but you may have to suffer through it.

Wow, this sounds totally like the things that happen to me all the time. I thought it was just me. Sorry brother, wouldn't want to be in that position for nothin. As for me though, I've been in similar situations where I sacrificed a lot of my own happiness as well as my own comfort to make the Missus happy. I know she's done the same, that's for sure. I couldn't presume to give advice on what to do as I don't know the whole story in the relationship, but ultimately sacrifices must be made. Sorry you're missing Saint. Maybe you could feign sickness and send her on the cruise while you stay behind pretending to be sick... and catch the concert 

Black Rider wrote:

So a bunch of hipster soyboys are trying to do metal? Sorry man but you may have to suffer through it.

The guy the have in the lead male role is from some Seattle hipster pop-rock band.  They couldn't even get a guy from a local hard rock band.  This just get's worse. 

Wow.

Staybrite, all you need to remember is this:

Happy wife; happy life!

alldatndensum wrote:

Staybrite, all you need to remember is this:

Happy wife; happy life!

That was actually my first thought.  I struggled with how to tell her that this didn't really hold a lot of interest for me.  But after watching the video clip of the rehearsal it looked as if the producers of the musical where making a mockery of 80's hard rock and metal.  I actually found that a little insulting.  I didn't want her to think that this was the kind of thing I really liked and would have shoving more of it down my throat in an attempt to "share something with me that I enjoyed".

My second thought actually was "Wow this is something my wife of 32 years thought I would like?"  That really depressed me.  
I did make it painfully obvious that was overjoyed with the fact that she would do something so nice for me.  But I also asked her to never spend that kind of money on entertainment again without us discussing it first.  She foolishly brought up that I recently spent $200 on a mead-making class for myself.  I was very quick to remind her that I discussed it with her prior to signing up and that she had zero reservation about spending the money on the class and even agreed to join me (she was actually the one who paid for it), then she bailed at the last minute and I had to go by myself.  It wasn't necessarily the expense I was upset with (although I have never spent that kind of money for tickets to see a real band perform and sure as heck didn't want to blow it on watching some second rate off-broadway hacks butcher the music that was the soundtrack to my youth).

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

Wow, this sounds totally like the things that happen to me all the time. I thought it was just me. Sorry brother, wouldn't want to be in that position for nothin. As for me though, I've been in similar situations where I sacrificed a lot of my own happiness as well as my own comfort to make the Missus happy. I know she's done the same, that's for sure. I couldn't presume to give advice on what to do as I don't know the whole story in the relationship, but ultimately sacrifices must be made. Sorry you're missing Saint. Maybe you could feign sickness and send her on the cruise while you stay behind pretending to be sick... and catch the concert 

I don't mind sacrificing my own happiness to do something with my wife.  Back when she was a pageant director for the local Miss America pageants I traveled with her 400 miles each way and sat through 2-1/2 hours of mind numbing pageant competition and slept in a second rate hotel with tiny beds before driving 400 miles back the next day....just because she wanted me to go to a specific pageant with her.  Did this more than once even (although with much closer pageants).  I might not have minded this musical performance idea as much either if it was something she wanted to do.  But she only bought these tickets because she was certain it would be something I would just love.  What I find strange is that she has zero recollection of us watching the campy musical film this whole thing is based on a couple of years back....and how much I complained about it.  

I have never picked a single vacation we have ever taken.  As a matter of fact after our first cruise (about a year and a half ago) I suggested we take one of the cruises to Alaska and she bristled against the idea.  She insisted our next cruise needed to be to the Caribbean, and after that maybe we could think about a cruise to Alaska.  After this coming cruise I'm inclined to tell her that we need to be done with the cruises as they are just too expensive.  I have been dragged off to California and Arizona at least 8 times in the last 20 years so we can spend a week or so each time with her mother.  In the last 12 years that my parents have lived in Texas I have gotten to see them once, and she couldn't make that trip.  

As for skipping the cruise to watch Saint play a 30 minute slot on a 9 act bill....I know you were just joking but I can't get back the thousands of dollars I paid for the cruise so there is no way that's happening.  If I never get to see the band play in my life I wouldn't waste that kind of money missing the cruise for any musical act. Besides, I know I will really enjoy the cruise, that last one we went on was the best vacation I have ever had. 

Build a bridge and get over it 

Us engineers can be so understanding 

Through The Dark Radio wrote:

Build a bridge and get over it 

Us engineers can be so understanding 

Yeah, I need to do some praying today for sure.  I'm letting this effect me poorly. 

Not to pry or anything but have you guys had counseling? Sounds kind of rough for you.

Black Rider wrote:

Not to pry or anything but have you guys had counseling? Sounds kind of rough for you.

We have in the past, and it helped. It is probably a good idea for most couples.
But mostly I don't think either of us has anything to really serious to complain about.  Frankly I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself.  After some reflective prayer the Missus and I should probably talk some of it over....but she isn't quite the tyrant my rantings might have made her appear to be on this thread (and I'm no prize myself). 

Enjoy the cruise bro, I would love to do a cruise. Lisa got to do one on her sister's dime several years ago (her sis came into money and took all her siblings on a cruise to the Bahamas). I bought our first cam-corder just for her trip so I could see some of her experience. Looked awesome !

I'd take it as just a blessing that your wife has done something nice for you.  Even if it's not your thing, and you're not going to enjoy it at all, your wife spent time thinking about you, realising you've missed a concert and then organised for you and her to go on a 'date'.

I'd take it as a positive, and go out for a nice meal too.

^This.

I kind of agree, but I would also be bummed like Gary.  After all, they have been together so long that she should KNOW what he likes.  My wife has taken me to plays, but she knows I hate most musicals.  She did take me to see the Broadway version of A Christmas Story.  While a musical, they did a great job of capturing the original movie feel and added some fun elements as well.  She knows me.  She's taken me to see Weird Al.  She's done some concerts with me.  I have taken her to see plays and shows that were musicals or even Disney cartoons done on stage.  We plan vacations together and no one dictates where we are going.  If my wife repeatedly ignored my wants, I would be bummed and probably resentful.  We would definitely need some counseling after being married as long as we have to get past it.

I see where Gary is coming from.  Yes, you should count your blessings that she wants to be with you, but you do need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and why.  If counseling could make a safe neutral place to do that, then I would definitely seek that out.

Wow Gary.

On the lighter side, since I spent a few hours researching the musical on the internet it seems that now I keep getting bombarded with ads for the show in my Facebook feed.
 

Staybrite wrote:

On the lighter side, since I spent a few hours researching the musical on the internet it seems that now I keep getting bombarded with ads for the show in my Facebook feed.
 

Resistance is futile!! You will be assimilated!!

Almost all of Alldat's post could've been posted by me:

Quote :

...After all, they have been together so long that she should KNOW what he likes.

Great point, and extremely true. Lisa knows all my likes and dislikes (though that hasn't stopped her from making me go to plays and other places I abhor)

Quote :

She did take me to see the Broadway version of A Christmas Story.

Lisa also took me to the same ! And I thought it was pretty cool as well.

Quote :

She's taken me to see Weird Al. 

Ditto.

Quote :

If my wife repeatedly ignored my wants, I would be bummed and probably resentful. 

Yup !

Quote :

but you do need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and why.

Gonna also agree there.

alldatndensum wrote:

I kind of agree, but I would also be bummed like Gary.  After all, they have been together so long that she should KNOW what he likes......  

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

Almost all of Alldat's post could've been posted by me:

Quote :

...After all, they have been together so long that she should KNOW what he likes.

Great point, and extremely true. Lisa knows all my likes and dislikes (though that hasn't stopped her from making me go to plays and other places I abhor)

That's probably the big thing right there.  We have been married for 31 years (and dated for 3 years before that).  I have complained about musicals for pretty much all of that time.  I still can't believe she thought I would be excited about going to see a musical.  All she saw was "80's Hard Rock music" and thought I would be thrilled.

We did talk about it some and I think she gets it.  She has been excited about this cruise to the Caribbean for over a year so I gave her this example.  "What if we couldn't make it on the cruise, so instead I bought you hula dancing lessons....oh yes and they cost 5 times what the cruise costs.  Would you be thrilled about that?"  
I think that might have helped, but I don't really know.  The end result is that she told me she is never going to surprise me with anything again.  I think she thinks that I would be a little upset by that but I'm not.  It will be good to not have her waste money on anything that stupid for me again.

Still need to talk to her about the vacation stuff, but I have come to realize I have given little input to what we do for vacations and actually like the fact that she takes care of all the details.  Still need to figure something out for that one.

Now, I am no fan of musicals.  However, I live going to actual plays.  I've even performed in a few!

Staybrite wrote:

All she saw was "80's Hard Rock music" and thought I would be thrilled.

I suspect she knew nothing of it other than that so in her mind it would fit you. Personally I think you're being a bit rough on her. So maybe it's not The Wall or Tommy (I would assume you'd be OK with either of those musicals), but I think it was pretty nice of her nonetheless.

Quote :

Still need to talk to her about the vacation stuff, but I have come to realize I have given little input to what we do for vacations and actually like the fact that she takes care of all the details.  Still need to figure something out for that one.

While that has been our m.o. for most of our vacations, the "critical" ones I require some input from her. Next year's (our 25th) is mine to plan, and we had planned before we were married that we'd go to Switzerland for our 25th, but I have no idea what else she wants to do/see in Europe since she'll never be back so I told her yesterday that I wanted her to make a prioritized list. Today I thought of something even better so we're going on a "date" to a bookstore tomorrow to look through travel guides.

topshot rhit wrote:

Staybrite wrote:

All she saw was "80's Hard Rock music" and thought I would be thrilled.

I suspect she knew nothing of it other than that so in her mind it would fit you. Personally I think you're being a bit rough on her. So maybe it's not The Wall or Tommy (I would assume you'd be OK with either of those musicals), but I think it was pretty nice of her nonetheless.

Quite frankly I wouldn't want to go see Tommy or The Wall either.....I just hate musicals regardless of the type of music.

I also don't want to give the impression that I'm railing against my wife over this whole thing.  I told her I certainly appreciate her doing this even if I'm convinced that I won't enjoy it.  I haven't been yelling at her, shutting her out, giving her the cold shoulder, or even holding it against her....and she certainly isn't broken up over it.  I almost didn't post this here because I didn't want it to look like I was bashing on my wife (I actually kind of regret saying anything here to be honest).

Quote :

 I almost didn't post this here because I didn't want it to look like I was bashing on my wife (I actually kind of regret saying anything here to be honest).

You need a place to vent without saying anything you'd regret to your wife.  This should be a safe space.  I vent here about things so I don't say or do the wrong thing in real life.  Sometimes I can vent and see on my own how far I have my head stuck up my own rear end without you guys and girls even having to tell me.  Even then, I appreciate the counsel I get from everyone here.  I am betting you feel the same, Gary.