Marriage Question

^^ ditto on the exclamation point!

Awkward....

MikeInFla wrote:

Staybrite wrote:

I have to confess that if it weren't for my marriage to my wife I would be a miserable wretched depraved sinner with no salvation.  Hopefully I would have at least married another woman who would have helped me see my need for Christ, because on my own I would have been a wreck.

As for kids I have to confess that I love my kids and have made many sacrifices for them but I feel like I am quickly reaching the end of my tolerance for sacrificing huge pieces of my health and sanity for them (which isn't good because my youngest is only 15).  They make my life ten times more difficult than my wife does.  The good news is that my wife daughter and grandson moved out this weekend, hopefully that will help ease some of the stress.

Wait... what!? Your wife moved out over the weekend?

I meant "my daughter" not my wife (by Freud with have a field-day with that slip)....I went back and corrected the original post.

LOL

Raising our daughter thru the teen years was difficult and certainly aged us a few years.... but raising a teen son pretty much wrecked us !!  He went from being the sweetest kid, always polite and obedient and affectionate to hitting the teen years and raising more hell than me and my 2 brothers combined !! I thought I'd never survive the last 4 years he lived at home. Between ditching, admitting he was having unprotected sex, using MY bandwidth to look at porno sites (that COULD have had underage girls on them), lying about things, then the big finale: XTC and Coke.  We had many convos with him, but when the drugs came along, we told him stop it immediately or he's on his own. We told him we'd kick him out and we meant it.  So he cleaned up his act, but when he turned 18, he was still out.  The day after he turned 18 my wife came home from work and he was sprawled on the couch eating all our food and watching TV when he still hadn't found a job yet. She said pack your stuff, you're out of here tonight. "Mom I don't have a place yet !" "TOO BAD ! FIGURE IT OUT"
Sounds harsh ? Nope - that kid pulled himself up, found a place to crash for a few weeks, got a job.. fast forward to today, he's manager at a T-Mobile and making bank in commissions, he's responsible now and has made us incredibly proud.  It was hard for us, but we did the right things and he survived, and is now doing amazing on his own. THAT'S tough love !

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

Raising our daughter thru the teen years was difficult and certainly aged us a few years.... but raising a teen son pretty much wrecked us !!  He went from being the sweetest kid, always polite and obedient and affectionate to hitting the teen years and raising more hell than me and my 2 brothers combined !! I thought I'd never survive the last 4 years he lived at home. Between ditching, admitting he was having unprotected sex, using MY bandwidth to look at porno sites (that COULD have had underage girls on them), lying about things, then the big finale: XTC and Coke.  We had many convos with him, but when the drugs came along, we told him stop it immediately or he's on his own. We told him we'd kick him out and we meant it.  So he cleaned up his act, but when he turned 18, he was still out.  The day after he turned 18 my wife came home from work and he was sprawled on the couch eating all our food and watching TV when he still hadn't found a job yet. She said pack your stuff, you're out of here tonight. "Mom I don't have a place yet !" "TOO BAD ! FIGURE IT OUT"
Sounds harsh ? Nope - that kid pulled himself up, found a place to crash for a few weeks, got a job.. fast forward to today, he's manager at a T-Mobile and making bank in commissions, he's responsible now and has made us incredibly proud.  It was hard for us, but we did the right things and he survived, and is now doing amazing on his own. THAT'S tough love !

We almost did the same thing with our daughter (kick her out), but she got engaged the month before we were set to do it.  Then she got pregnant, unengaged and soon became a young unwed mother....made it pretty much impossible to kick her out.  But thankfully she moved out this weekend and things are going substantially smoother in just a few days.  My 17 year old son, just might end up like your son if he doesn't straighten himself up.  We have told him that unless he plans to go to a local college he will not be able to live with us beyond a year after high school graduation.

Man, marriage and parenting look scary a lot of the time.

xenonlion,

They are probably the scariest things I've ever done. But also the most rewarding.

^ I hafta agree. There are no MEGA-BLESSINGS without MEGA-DIFFICULTIES. 

In the time I've been married and raised kids out of the nest (and the fact that you never stop being a parent - we still worry about them and they're 27 and 22 now !) We have experienced the most horrific pains short of actually losing a child... it's no picnic. But I can't imagine my life without the kids and my wife. Though I've had times I wish I never settled down and just remained single, I can't imagine life without them today. 
So yes, it's scary, it's horribly frightening at times... but it's also the most amazing blessing a person can ever experience. 
(Quite the enigma)

I see.

Quote :

Raising our daughter thru the teen years was difficult and certainly aged us a few years.... but raising a teen son pretty much wrecked us !!  He went from being the sweetest kid, always polite and obedient and affectionate to hitting the teen years and raising more hell than me and my 2 brothers combined !! I thought I'd never survive the last 4 years he lived at home. Between ditching, admitting he was having unprotected sex, using MY bandwidth to look at porno sites (that COULD have had underage girls on them), lying about things, then the big finale: XTC and Coke.  We had many convos with him, but when the drugs came along, we told him stop it immediately or he's on his own. We told him we'd kick him out and we meant it.  So he cleaned up his act, but when he turned 18, he was still out.  The day after he turned 18 my wife came home from work and he was sprawled on the couch eating all our food and watching TV when he still hadn't found a job yet. She said pack your stuff, you're out of here tonight. "Mom I don't have a place yet !" "TOO BAD ! FIGURE IT OUT"
Sounds harsh ? Nope - that kid pulled himself up, found a place to crash for a few weeks, got a job.. fast forward to today, he's manager at a T-Mobile and making bank in commissions, he's responsible now and has made us incredibly proud.  It was hard for us, but we did the right things and he survived, and is now doing amazing on his own. THAT'S tough love !

it has taken me some time to really really accept, agree and let go of my kids... they are adult now and 2 of them have kids of their own...2 of my kids are not married (my daughter lives with her boyfriend and they have a daughter but they refuse to get married) and my daughter, her boyfriend and my youngest son are all involved in the drug and alcohol scene...they live a crappy life in a crappy apartment with crappy friends but its their life to live as they want and while i dont want it around me I have had to come to the realization that they choose how they live and reap what they sow..as a result we no longer help them financially in any way...(I really cant say much seeing how I was really in to the cocaine scene back in the 80s when I was their age)..my oldest son is getting a divorce but he does work hard and trys to play it straight....at the end of the day I have come to the realization that their life is really none of my business..

Savage Amusement wrote:

Quote :

Raising our daughter thru the teen years was difficult and certainly aged us a few years.... but raising a teen son pretty much wrecked us !!  He went from being the sweetest kid, always polite and obedient and affectionate to hitting the teen years and raising more hell than me and my 2 brothers combined !! I thought I'd never survive the last 4 years he lived at home. Between ditching, admitting he was having unprotected sex, using MY bandwidth to look at porno sites (that COULD have had underage girls on them), lying about things, then the big finale: XTC and Coke.  We had many convos with him, but when the drugs came along, we told him stop it immediately or he's on his own. We told him we'd kick him out and we meant it.  So he cleaned up his act, but when he turned 18, he was still out.  The day after he turned 18 my wife came home from work and he was sprawled on the couch eating all our food and watching TV when he still hadn't found a job yet. She said pack your stuff, you're out of here tonight. "Mom I don't have a place yet !" "TOO BAD ! FIGURE IT OUT"
Sounds harsh ? Nope - that kid pulled himself up, found a place to crash for a few weeks, got a job.. fast forward to today, he's manager at a T-Mobile and making bank in commissions, he's responsible now and has made us incredibly proud.  It was hard for us, but we did the right things and he survived, and is now doing amazing on his own. THAT'S tough love !

it has taken me some time to really really accept, agree and let go of my kids... they are adult now and 2 of them have kids of their own...2 of my kids are not married (my daughter lives with her boyfriend and they have a daughter but they refuse to get married) and my daughter, her boyfriend and my youngest son are all involved in the drug and alcohol scene...they live a crappy life in a crappy apartment with crappy friends but its their life to live as they want and while i dont want it around me I have had to come to the realization that they choose how they live and reap what they sow..as a result we no longer help them financially in any way...(I really cant say much seeing how I was really in to the cocaine scene back in the 80s when I was their age)..my oldest son is getting a divorce but he does work hard and trys to play it straight....at the end of the day I have come to the realization that their life is really none of my business..

What concerns me in your situation (and it is none of my business but the discussion is out there) is that there is a child involved and exposed to this type of living. Not a good thing as children who live around this type of thing seem to repeat the cycle of the parent. If you don't mind me asking how old is the child and how much exposure do you have to her? You might be the only positive person around her at this point. 

Reminds me of what I saw last night when I went to Dollar General to pick up a quick item. The woman in front of me (30 years old, she blasted it to everyone within range) was buying beer and giving the cashier a hard time for carding her because she was "30 years old by God and I got 5 kids who under age 21 would have 5 kids?!?". Then she went rambling on about how she is going to be disappointed when they STOP carding her when she "looks too old to be carded". Anyway, I have no issue with her buying beer but what I have issue with is the way she addressed her child "hey boy, carry my beer to the car!". The kid couldn't have been more than 6 or 7 years old. IMO, typical deep south redneck.

Quote :

If you don't mind me asking how old is the child and how much exposure do you have to her? You might be the only positive person around her at this point

my granddaughter by my daughter is 4 yo.  They live in Amarillo Texas and I live in Tulsa Oklahoma (367 miles away)..I rarely see her...maybe 2 or 3 times a year.
My grandkids by my son who is getting a divorce are 2 and 6 months..I have never even met them. When they were born his wife didn't want any family around and they live with her..sooo thats why I have never met them.
When me and my first wife (mother of my kids) divorced my kids were 1,2 and 4...I moved away shortly after divorce (long story) so I wasn't much of an influence on them till they became teenagers and moved back closer..my visitation back in their younger years was limited to seeing them for holidays and maybe once every month and 2 week summer visit... a few times I had to cancel visitation because my current (bipolar) wife was having an episode... My wife doesn't like the kids being around much so the only way we see them is if I by myself go see them (which doesn't happen often)...and since they are wrapped up in their lives and usually broke they never come to see me... They never get us Christmas presents or birthday presents or cards and no fathers day or mothers day cards either. My youngest son has publicly proclaimed his allegiance and faith in "the powers of darkness" as he calls it and my daughter is somewhat of a deist..my other son does believe in God but is busy living his life...