How would you react?...My final thoughts

OK, I have a real life situation that I am curious how you would react to. About a year ago our van broke down on the kids on the way to school. Whenever we tried to put it in gear, the motor bogged down and died immediately. We spoke to the transmission repair shop and he said it would be a week before he could look at it, but he gave us a way to see if it was computer problem or mechanical problem. Based on his test, it was mechanical and the transmission was gone. It was about 10 years old with 140,000 or so miles on it, so we decided not to pursue fixing it. We needed a vechicle much sooner than we could fix it anyhow. We bought another car and decided that we would give the van to my mother and father-in-law. My father-in-law had been a mechanic for years and we figured that he might be able to work a deal with someone to get a used or re-built transmission to put in the van and have it to drive if they chose to do it.

The van sat for about 3 weeks before they picked it up and apparently the computer system was the problem and when they got it back to their home, it ran with no problem. They drove the van for the rest of the year because it was way cheaper on gas than the Dodge Ram truck they have and they continually complained about having no money. That was one of the reasons we gave them the van was we figured if my brother-in-law could help get it running (also a mechanic and has a dumptruck plus backhoe to help work trade for the tranny) they could save some money.

I found out last night that they finally took the van to a dealer and had the van put on the computer to see why the transmission kept acting up. I had started slipping in and out of gear on them lately, but it kept going. the computer showed that the only problem was it needed a new filter and transmission fluid. So, my father-in-law bought the filter and fluid and changed it himself. Then he sold the van for $1500 cash and deposited the money into the bank so they can go by a "new" (read new to them) van because now my MIL gets SS as well as my FIL and they think they can now afford to buy another van.

So, how would you react to that situation?

I would wonder about the financial wisdom in what kind of van they could get for $1500 that would be better than what your's was. Anything near that cheap is bound to have problems of its own.

But they are adults and allowed to make stupid decisions.

While it is enough to make blood shoot out of your eyes, you did GIVE it to them. I didn't see in your writing that there were conditions attached to the "gift". They are grown people, and if they do something stupid, let them suffer.

I have been through a similar but different situation myself, with my sister. Won't go into details, but rest assured that she can screw her life up anyway she chooses now and I will only be there for advice. Same as you should do with your peeps.

You did right by helping, but since it was taken advantage of, limit your future giving to advice and/or love.

I would just chaulk it up to experience, and try to let it go.

I agree with Staybrite. Chalk it up to experience, and move on. Sabidoo is also right, in that you did give it to them so it's really up to them what to do with it - even though they didn't choose the best (or kindest) option.

As Impellitteri said "Grin and bear it"

Fundy

OK, I left you with that part of the story, let me tell you a little more to see what you think.

When we gave the van to my in-laws, they found that it would run, so they decided to transfer ownership into their names and license the van. They forged our signatures on the title and told the license bureau that they paid $400 for the van because, "The paperwork was a lot easier for buying it cheap rather than having it declared as a gift."

Apparently my wife was privy to that information, but no one told me about it until it had already been re-titled in their names. My wife told me about it and said, "Well you didn't want it back did you?" Keep in mind that at that time we had 4 drivers trying to work 4 different jobs in 2 different cities 30 miles apart and juggling work schedules to get everyone where they were supposed to be, and thus we were talking about BUYING a third vechicle to get us back and forth to all of the places of work.

BTW, the vechicle they are looking at buying is an '04 Chrysler Town & Country van, not another $1500 vechicle. They just want to use the money as the down payment because they can now "afford" to pay the new payment since my mother-in-law started getting Social Security a few months ago.

So, any further input?

"You can't fix STUPID".

Pray for them, love them, offer them advice IF they ask. Other than that, forget about it and have a nice life.

I take it your in laws aren't saved or are they Christians who don't mind breaking laws?

Nevertheless, there's not much you can do about it now except say you don't agree with their methods.

Ouch! it stinks, but I'll still stick with my first thought.

Quote :

"You can't fix STUPID".

Pray for them, love them, offer them advice IF they ask. Other than that, forget about it and have a nice life.

I have to agree with Sabidoo here.

Well, I don't wish to beat a dead horse with this. I have given the situation over to God and I don't have any hard feelings. I was rather shocked when I found out they had sold the van and banked the money so they could buy a new van, but I didn't feel as if they "owed" me anything. I just wondered what others thought about the situation. Mostly because I was curious if I should be more upset or if I was out of line for being shocked in the first place. I believe from the comments that have been made, I was justifiied in being kinda stunned by what arose, but I also believe everyone else was of the same opinion to let go of any hard feelings. It is a done deal as far as I am concerned, but it has been interesting to read the thoughts of others concerning the situation.

I don't think you are out of line for being shocked at all.
I was shocked, and it wasn't even my family.