Good will and its limits

Hi all.

So today, I was sitting on my front porch (out of view of the road) having lunch. My car was parked in the driveway so it was obvious that someone was home. Anyway, a woman who was either drunk, on drugs, or mentally impaired in some way (I'm thinking the first and last) came up my driveway and asked me if I would drive her home. This is a woman who was not only taller than me, but easily twice my weight (closer to 3x I'd say). My point being, it was an intimidating situation.

That said, she seemed so utterly pathetic. I had a hard time understanding her directions (she slurred her words together) and when I hesitated (because I couldn't understand her) she immediately thought that I thought she was lying (which made me feel as though she didn't have faithful friends in her life who trusted her implicitly). She said, "I'm telling the truth miss. Really I am." Oh Lord. Such a knife in the guts to hear that pleading. Anyway, she eventually got across where she was walking to and it would have taken her the better part of an hour to walk there (in the heat of the day) so I put my lunch aside, got off my butt and drove her.

I tried making polite conversation while we were driving, but oh man, she smelled. I had a desire to be sick but at the same time a desire to cry at her condition. It was awful.

After a 10 minute drive, I got her where she was going, she got out of the car, stumbled off without thanks (I'm fine with that) and as she got out of the car I noticed that there was poop on the waistband of her pants. So now my car smells like poop and I'm left with the weight of guilt on my mind because I am repulsed by what just happened. Here's this woman who has clearly lost her way (if she ever had it) and I was repulsed by it. Guilty as charged.

I don't know why I chose to share my failing here. I guess it's something I need to get off my conscience. A confession to ease my mind.

You did more than I would have. Maybe I am not as nice as I used to be but I would have told her to get lost and move along.

I had a similiar situation when I was out in my front yard. A young African-American male approached me and said he was out of gas. I immediately told him to move on and not to approach any of the neighbors homes as they would call the cops. It was after dark. He said he didn't want gas, he just wanted a way to put gas in his car. He pointed at the end of the street and I could see a car parked there (probably 3 houses away). I told him I couldn't help. So he said thanks and left. I went into my laundry room (outdoor laundry room on the car port) and I saw a funnel. I grabbed it, walked back down the driveway and yelled for him to come back. I showed him the funnel and asked if it would help and he said "thanks mister, that's a big help". I told him when he was done to return the funnel and put it in the bed of my truck. The next morning when I went outside I looked in the back of my truck and there it was. I felt bad about about not helping at first but then felt pretty good about it afterwards. I felt bad for doubting the guy. I wouldn't have been too mad if he took the funnel, they cost a dollar or less.

But in your situation I would've told the woman to keep going.

To be honest, you probably did more than I would have.  I can hide being mad, but I have a hard time hiding other emotions even just on a facial level.  She would have seen my disgust and probably would have left in a cussing fit.

I wonder why she was so far away from home on foot in the first place, and how did she get there?  I probably would have been more likely to call a cab or Uber driver to take her if I did anything.  I know--I am heartless.  However, I do want to be truthful.

I did ask her where she had come from. She said she'd been at a friend's house. Who knows if that's the truth or not, but looking at her, I'd say she probably didn't own a car and her friend's probably didn't either. Funny I didn't even think of a cab. I'll keep that in mind for next time. Save my poor car seats. Thanks for the suggestion.

MikeInFla, if I lived in a big city, I probably would have told her to move on as well. But I live in a small city (130,000 people) where, for the most part, there aren't rich and poor areas of town. Most neighborhoods (apart from a few dodgy ones) are a real mix of income and education. In my neighborhood, for example, there are old money multi-million dollar homes a block away and state owned welfare houses a few houses away. There's a court-run halfway house just down the road. I'm in the middle. We're all pretty much mixed together here. Case in point, the richest man in town lives two doors down from a two-bedroom rental property. His house has something like 20 rooms! So the folks who come to my door aren't out of place in my neighbourhood. They could easily be my neighbour so I try to help where I can ("as you did it to the least of my brethren, you did it to me").

It can be scary to welcome strangers. I think it's the hardest thing (especially for a woman) that we are asked to do. That situation has happened to me before. My first response is usually fear. My next is, "b-r-e-a-t-h." If after I've calmed my inner scream enough to hear my conscience and follow my gut feeling as to the safety of the situation, I do what I can. Funnily enough, it seems that a lot of folks run out of petrol RIGHT IN FRONT of my house (three this year  lol). I give them enough to get them across the bridge to the nearest station (though one guy emptied the whole tin -- cheeky fella).

It's a different situation to yours. Were it your neighbour, I'm sure you would have jumped to help right from the start.  I know what you mean though about doubting folks...

It's so easy to judge a situation and people wrongly. I once had a fellow wearing a gang jacket come to my door. I was terrified. He was five times bigger than me, had a full face tatoo for goodness sake, and a pitt bull by his side... A PITT BULL! Were it not for the peacefully sleeping baby he had draped over his rather large forearm, I just might have fainted for fear. So this big, scary, gang dude smiles up to his eyes and says, "Hi. I've just moved in next door. Do you have a shop broom I could borrow for a couple of hours?" Such a domestic question coming from such a scary dude...with a baby on his arm. It was hilarious.

Judge not.    lol

It's hard to know who to trust these days.

You certainly did more than I would have.  I live in a small town of less than 9,000 people.  But almost weekly someone is robbed (usually by heroin or meth addicts).  We even had a home owner killed last year in house burglary, and they still haven't caught the killer.  In general people in our town only trust their neighbors.

Xid wrote:

It's hard to know who to trust these days.

No it isn't. Just trust God to show you what to do in this situation.

I've given many rides home to strangers (though none as strange as this lady sounds) but usually don't when my wife and/or son are with me. But never before a quick prayer and seeing where I think the Spirit is guiding me.

ishmael81 wrote:

Xid wrote:

It's hard to know who to trust these days.

No it isn't. Just trust God to show you what to do in this situation.

I've given many rides home to strangers (though none as strange as this lady sounds) but usually don't when my wife and/or son are with me. But never before a quick prayer and seeing where I think the Spirit is guiding me.

Yes, that's exactly it. My initial response was definitely fear (particularly with the moko wearing gang dude/mountain), but that's just my mind playing tricks on me, drawing on stereotypes, being influenced by what I see on the news, etc. I know if I calm down enough to shut up that voice, I can be appropriately guided. But poop, Lord? Really? Did it have to be poop?

My feeling of guilt in the situation was that I know Jesus would have embraced this woman and I was repulsed and I don't think I have it in me to ever overcome that.

Jen5 wrote:

ishmael81 wrote:

Xid wrote:

It's hard to know who to trust these days.

No it isn't. Just trust God to show you what to do in this situation.

I've given many rides home to strangers (though none as strange as this lady sounds) but usually don't when my wife and/or son are with me. But never before a quick prayer and seeing where I think the Spirit is guiding me.

Yes, that's exactly it. My initial response was definitely fear (particularly with the moko wearing gang dude/mountain), but that's just my mind playing tricks on me, drawing on stereotypes, being influenced by what I see on the news, etc. I know if I calm down enough to shut up that voice, I can be appropriately guided. But poop, Lord? Really? Did it have to be poop?

My feeling of guilt in the situation was that I know Jesus would have embraced this woman and I was repulsed and I don't think I have it in me to ever overcome that.

I know you're new to the board so I'll try to be polite... everyone else around here knows me and understands I'm just blunt. The fact is none of us have it in us to overcome it... that's the point of our faith, isn't it? So Jesus can make us into something less like us and more like him (which is really the best us he created us to be).

I'm not saying I'm a master or anything but I think it's truth.

ishmael81 wrote:

Jen5 wrote:

Yes, that's exactly it. My initial response was definitely fear (particularly with the moko wearing gang dude/mountain), but that's just my mind playing tricks on me, drawing on stereotypes, being influenced by what I see on the news, etc. I know if I calm down enough to shut up that voice, I can be appropriately guided. But poop, Lord? Really? Did it have to be poop?

My feeling of guilt in the situation was that I know Jesus would have embraced this woman and I was repulsed and I don't think I have it in me to ever overcome that.

I know you're new to the board so I'll try to be polite... everyone else around here knows me and understands I'm just blunt. The fact is none of us have it in us to overcome it... that's the point of our faith, isn't it? So Jesus can make us into something less like us and more like him (which is really the best us he created us to be).

I'm not saying I'm a master or anything but I think it's truth.

Sheesh Ish, I would hope you would try to be polite to everybody....especially everybody here!

> The fact is none of us have it in us to overcome it... that's the point of our faith, isn't it? So Jesus can make us into something less like us and more like him (which is really the best us he created us to be).

That's true. But it doesn't stop me from feeling ashamed by my failings.  

So today there was a knock at the door. It was my new friend come for her ride home. I had a house full of kids so I was easily able to say no because we wouldn't all fit in the car. But, oh dear, what have I started?   lol

Between the ruining of my car seats, the lack of trust of people, and the coming back for her assumed ride the 2nd time, I doubt I would have helped her at all.  I wish I could pat myself on the back and say that I would.  I just can't.  I am a terrible person, I know.

alldatndensum wrote:

Between the ruining of my car seats, the lack of trust of people, and the coming back for her assumed ride the 2nd time, I doubt I would have helped her at all.  I wish I could pat myself on the back and say that I would.  I just can't.  I am a terrible person, I know.

Terrible? Nope. You're just wiser than me is all.   

I'm not surprised she came back. It's likely people don't help her. I hate to say it this way, but it's like a stray cat or dog - once you've fed it, it's yours.

That being said, what if this woman is in your life for a reason? Maybe God influenced her to walk down your street so you could reach out to her?

Staybrite wrote:

ishmael81 wrote:

Jen5 wrote:

Yes, that's exactly it. My initial response was definitely fear (particularly with the moko wearing gang dude/mountain), but that's just my mind playing tricks on me, drawing on stereotypes, being influenced by what I see on the news, etc. I know if I calm down enough to shut up that voice, I can be appropriately guided. But poop, Lord? Really? Did it have to be poop?

My feeling of guilt in the situation was that I know Jesus would have embraced this woman and I was repulsed and I don't think I have it in me to ever overcome that.

I know you're new to the board so I'll try to be polite... everyone else around here knows me and understands I'm just blunt. The fact is none of us have it in us to overcome it... that's the point of our faith, isn't it? So Jesus can make us into something less like us and more like him (which is really the best us he created us to be).

I'm not saying I'm a master or anything but I think it's truth.

Sheesh Ish, I would hope you would try to be polite to everybody....especially everybody here!

Maybe Ish is the weird uncle who only wears pants to dinner when company comes.

Jen5 wrote:

It's so easy to judge a situation and people wrongly. I once had a fellow wearing a gang jacket come to my door. I was terrified. He was five times bigger than me, had a full face tatoo for goodness sake, and a pitt bull by his side... A PITT BULL! Were it not for the peacefully sleeping baby he had draped over his rather large forearm, I just might have fainted for fear. So this big, scary, gang dude smiles up to his eyes and says, "Hi. I've just moved in next door. Do you have a shop broom I could borrow for a couple of hours?" Such a domestic question coming from such a scary dude...with a baby on his arm. It was hilarious.

Judge not.    lol

You know it's funny, but it seems like many of the people whose outward appearances scream "scary face-eater" are really kind, awesome people.  I had a student one time before the goth/face-piercing thing was really trendy that had the whole "if you look at me I'll cut out your eye and write a poem about how the blood pools at my feet" vibe.  She came up to talk to me after class one day and was so cheerful and friendly and was really a very sweet person.

messiaen77 wrote:

Staybrite wrote:

ishmael81 wrote:

Jen5 wrote:

Yes, that's exactly it. My initial response was definitely fear (particularly with the moko wearing gang dude/mountain), but that's just my mind playing tricks on me, drawing on stereotypes, being influenced by what I see on the news, etc. I know if I calm down enough to shut up that voice, I can be appropriately guided. But poop, Lord? Really? Did it have to be poop?

My feeling of guilt in the situation was that I know Jesus would have embraced this woman and I was repulsed and I don't think I have it in me to ever overcome that.

I know you're new to the board so I'll try to be polite... everyone else around here knows me and understands I'm just blunt. The fact is none of us have it in us to overcome it... that's the point of our faith, isn't it? So Jesus can make us into something less like us and more like him (which is really the best us he created us to be).

I'm not saying I'm a master or anything but I think it's truth.

Sheesh Ish, I would hope you would try to be polite to everybody....especially everybody here!

Maybe Ish is the weird uncle who only wears pants to dinner when company comes.

ishmael81 wrote:

I'm not surprised she came back. It's likely people don't help her. I hate to say it this way, but it's like a stray cat or dog - once you've fed it, it's yours.

That being said, what if this woman is in your life for a reason? Maybe God influenced her to walk down your street so you could reach out to her?

Yeah, I was wondering the same thing so I resolved last night to have a talk with my minister about it. Feeling like a little guidance on the matter.  

God has used this thread for me. I just got back from a very similar situation, and this is pretty much the first time it's happened to me.

I was particularly tired driving home from work (I work 3-11 PM, about 20 minutes from home), so I wanted to get home and into my bed before I did any damage. I ran over something on the road that I didn't see, and I kept forgetting to dip my high beams, both of which never happen to me. I'd just backed into my parking space when I heard a knock at the passenger window. I figured it might be my roommate playing a prank or something, even though he's normally in bed at this hour. I rolled down the window, and there was someone (couldn't tell at the time if it was a woman or man) there, asking me in a faint voice if I could give them a ride downtown. I live about 5-10 minutes from downtown. I debated it quickly in my mind, and this thread came right into mind. So I accepted. She (I ended up asking her for her name) put her belongings in my trunk, and I took her to the apartment where she directed me. Apparently, her brother had kicked her out of his apartment, which happened to be in the same building as mine. She had settled down in the corner of the parking lot to sleep on a bit of foam and cardboard, in about 40°F (it's unseasonably cold these days), when I had parked in my spot in that very corner.

I hope she'll do ok. She seemed under the influence and/or not mentally well. Please pray for her and her brother.

Thanks Jen5 for posting this topic. You and I surely had no idea this would happen to me.

Bless you Driven. So glad you found inspiration here.