Twas The Night Before a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday

http://www.jibjab.com/view/85477

How sad it will be when that is going to happen.

Man is that the truth. I cant believe what this world is coming to.

avdb11 wrote:

How sad it will be when that is going to happen.

Did you say WHEN that happens? Listen, in this wacked out, liberal, worthless nation of Mexamericanada, anything having to do with any part of "CHRISTmas" is already gone.

But in the same spirit, I give you another future classic......

HAPPY RamaHanuKwanzMas

Here's another holiday classic for you: Farting Elves

alldatndensum wrote:

Here's another holiday classic for you: Farting Elves

HEY!!!! You can't say fart in here...next thing you know, this will be a Mormon board.

Um.....talk about a major random jump!

Nothing beats a good thread hijack

sabidoo wrote:

Nothing beats a good thread hijack

Except for maybe a good beating on a hijacked thread.

Staybrite wrote:

sabidoo wrote:

Nothing beats a good thread hijack

Except for maybe a good beating on a hijacked thread.

You know, someone with a perverted mind could see that picture as "dirty"....
I'm just sayin'

sabidoo wrote:

You know, someone with a perverted mind could see that picture as "dirty"....
I'm just sayin'

And you would be just the someone to do it huh?

"Politically Correct Santa"


'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.



And labour conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.



And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!



The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the C.A.A.
And people had started to call for the cops

When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.



So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,

Demanding from now on her title was Ms.



And as for the gifts, why, he'd never a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.



Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.



Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.



And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.



Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.



He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.



Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;



Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even YOU.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."