There's a girl!

There's this girl that I've been seeing for a little while. Her name is Alexis. We met at a singles group at a church. We hit it off right away. It's weird because I wasnt looking for anyone at the time. I had given up on that 10 years ago. I asked her if she wanted to go out for coffee sometime we talked about everything from our favorite sports teams, music and cooking. And yes she actually likes hard rock and metal. Oh and she's a phonominal cook, I like to bbq. We've been together for a while now. She is rock solid in her faith and really puts me to shame. My love for her grows stronger every day. In the short time we have been together we have developed a deep friendship. I've never  had these feelings for a woman before. She IS my best friend (outside my relationship with The Lord). I'm not getting any younger. I'm seriously thinking of asking Alexis to be my wife but I'm afraid to take that plunge.

Wow dude, congrats!  That is really exciting; I am stoked for you!

As for asking her to be your wife, well, that's a big plunge indeed.  How long have you known each other and been together for?  If you were 20, I'd hope that you two would have known each other for a long time.  But I think the older people get and more set in who they are, the quicker you just know that it's right.  So in your guys' case, if you're well situated (in The Lord) as individuals and as a couple - and you know you want to spend the rest of your lives together... I don't see why not?

Run Forrest Run!!!!

Thanks Kerrick! We've known each other a little over a year. Our relationship started out as just friends and has just grown stronger over the last few months. We have been official couple since last April. I'm in my 40's and so is she. We've both had previous relationships that ended badly. My ex wife didn't want to be married anymore. But we were young and foolish. This time I have this peace that Alexis is the one for me. It's weird but I just know she is the one.

Even though you haven't proposed yet, have you two even discussed the possibility of what your relationship in the future looks like?  It is a great conversation to make sure that both of you are on the same page.  It would also signal to her that you are interested in the ultimate commitment.  You can feel her out this way and still plan ahead for something romantic when you do pop the question for real.

Other than that, all I can advise you to do is proceed prayerfully.  Pray about this privately.  If you do discuss the future with her, pray about this together.  If you do decide to marry, you definitely need the Lord to help you keep it together.  My wife and I could not have made it without Him.

Wow, scary and exciting both at the same time!  I would say that given your age and experience it isn't beyond reason for the two of you to get married after having known each other for about a year.  In the original post you said that you were scared.  I would say you need to come to terms with why you are scared before you even get engaged.  And I also echo the advice from Alldat regarding communication with Alexis as to what your marriage would look like, and lots of prayer.  Like Alldat I have been married for a long time (27 years next month) and I will say that marriage takes a lot of work....just ask my wife.

I haven't been around for a while, so a belated welcome to the board.

I'm another long-timer, just celebrated 20 years with my wonderful and longsuffering wife. (I did say she has been married to ME for 20 years and we've actually been mostly together for 24.  Hey!  Today, actually!!  Sorry, I'm off track.)  I'll just say ditto to alldat and Staybrite.  If I were to guess, I'd say your fear comes from 1) having been burned in marriage before and 2) being afraid of being rejected.  The best advice is definitely to talk to her and see if you are on the same page.  She may be having the same thoughts and feelings as you, right down to the fear.  Communication helps to drive fear away.

Thanks guys for your kind words of encouragement. btw this is a real cool forum you guys seem real down to earth. So yes last month Alexis and I had that DTR talk. If you've read the book Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman it stands for Define The Relationship. We both are on the same page of where we want the relationship to go. I guess the reason I'm a little scared is because it's happened so fast. But then again at age 43 I'm not getting any younger. Anyway I have an appointment with one of the pastors at my church today. I'm gonna get some guidance and/or confirmation if they think we are ready. But like I said I just have this feeling of peace about this. Next I'll have to decide how I'm going to ask her. I need to find the right moment and right place.

Wow, that's exciting news.
I can imagine that's scary for her to propose her.
Ask God if your plans are His plans too.
For such a very important decision it's very wise if your plansare the plans of God too.
I can't imagine how it was to marry and do it without God.

Thanks everyone for your kind words of encouragement. I got some great advice from some very close friends along with my pastor. I think I know what I'm gonna do.

That's good.

Keep us posted!

Staybrite wrote:

Keep us posted!

Yes, please.

Will do!  She said she was bummed that we have nothing planned for Halloween

Well better plan something!