My wife has the same problem. Her father died 12 years ago, on the day before Christmas. Some years Christmas can be very sad for her. It helps that the children are very happy about Christmas.
But I think I can understand a little of how she feels. I miss her father very much as well. He had a very intelligent (but dry) sense of humor, and I enjoyed every coversation I had with him.
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"I used to be indecisive.......... Now I'm not sure."