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Candlemass

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Number of posts : 319
Age : 55
Localisation : Cleveland, Oh
Registration date : 2013-08-03

PostSubject: My Parents   Sat May 05, 2018 11:12 pm

Are dead because of me, and I don't think I can live w/this guilt much longer...
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Xid

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Number of posts : 3676
Age : 49
Localisation : Kalispell, MT
Registration date : 2014-03-12

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Sun May 06, 2018 1:08 am

What do you mean they are dead because of you?
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rockerVu2



Number of posts : 15080
Age : 89
Registration date : 2007-02-09

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Sun May 06, 2018 6:56 am

Tell us what you mean Candlemass.
We are here for you if you can share what happend.
When you can't tell it here, please PM one of the admins.


Last edited by rockerVu2 on Mon May 07, 2018 7:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Candlemass

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Number of posts : 319
Age : 55
Localisation : Cleveland, Oh
Registration date : 2013-08-03

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Sun May 06, 2018 11:06 am

I just keep thinking had I taken my dad to the hospital when he first complained of stomach pains he might of came through...
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Staybrite

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Number of posts : 19047
Age : 50
Localisation : Seattle
Registration date : 2007-02-08

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Sun May 06, 2018 11:21 am

Candlemass wrote:
I just keep thinking had I taken my dad to the hospital when he first complained of stomach pains he might of came through...

There is absolutely no way you could have known that at the time.  Don't be so hard on yourself.

_________________
"I used to be indecisive.......... Now I'm not sure."
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Xid

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Number of posts : 3676
Age : 49
Localisation : Kalispell, MT
Registration date : 2014-03-12

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Sun May 06, 2018 11:53 am

Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  Hindsight is 20/20.  We always see what we could have done different: "If only I..."  My sister had a major stroke a couple of years ago.  She was feeling like she had indigestion all day.  If somebody would have taken her to the doctor then the stroke may have been prevented.  Who goes to the doctor for indigestion?

We all have things in our lives where we think, "If only I..." then it would have turned out differently.  Some call that magical thinking.  "If only I..."  Please don't misunderstand me:  I'm not being flippant or uncaring.  I have my own magical thinking.  If only I had turned left instead of right.  If only I would have waited.  If only I would have pursued it harder.  If only I would have ducked.  If only I...
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Candlemass

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Number of posts : 319
Age : 55
Localisation : Cleveland, Oh
Registration date : 2013-08-03

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Sun May 06, 2018 7:27 pm

I just look back and see I was being selfish, wanted to get my plow ready for winter, and then I was tired. I asked Dad if he wanted to go to the hospital, he said no, but I also really didn't want to cause I was tired and didn't think his stomach aches was a big deal...
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alldatndensum
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Number of posts : 19108
Age : 48
Localisation : Tennessee
Registration date : 2007-01-30

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Sun May 06, 2018 9:41 pm

Even if you had wanted to go to the hospital with him, would he really have gone?  I say this as my dad had a heart attack at my aunt's house many years ago.  He drove 2 1/2 hours home while having another attack.  Then, when my brother found out he was having severe chest pains, he REFUSED to go to the hospital and said he would shoot at the ambulance if they came.  He agreed to go to the VA. hospital the next day.  But, he only went because he found out he wouldn't need insurance to go to the VA.  He was more scared of getting stuck with big hospital bills that he couldn't pay than he was of dying.

My dad was the type that would not do something he didn't want to do.  There was no moving his stubborn butt.  If your dad was like mine, do you really think you could have made him go, Mark?  I doubt it.

Besides, the Lord is the one who has measured out our days.  Even if you had gone to the ER, he probably would still have died as it was his appointed time.  There is nothing to feel guilt about.  I had to help (mostly make) the decision to take my dad off life support after his second stroke.  I don't feel even an ounce of guilt over that.  I know he hated those machines when he was on them with the first stroke.  I remember how he nearly suffocated until they pulled them out when he first woke up.  I also remember him telling me that he NEVER wanted to have to endure that again.  So, when the hospital started pushing us to decide whether to take off the machines or not, we did so knowing what daddy wanted.

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I might have decided, or maybe not, that I should or shouldn't, depending on the issue or non-issue, to possibly share or not share, any thoughts, opinions, or facts (that might not be deemed factual by some), due to possible fear of any misinterpretation or retribution.
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MikeInFla

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Number of posts : 1974
Age : 47
Localisation : Panama City, FL
Registration date : 2012-03-18

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Mon May 07, 2018 7:14 am

I have 4 older brothers who have a different dad. In 1967 their dad was killed in an accident. He was installing some type of pipe in a trench. They were helping him (the two oldest were teenagers). That afternoon the Lions had an exibition game in Detroit and they had tickets and wanted to go. Their dad told them to go ahead and go to the game and he would finish up himself. So the left for the game. After they left the trench collapsed on him and buried him alive. One of my other brothers (who was 9 or 10 at the time) is the one who found him. All of them blamed themselves for it.

When I think of blaming myself when someone dies I look to John 14:

Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. 2There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?  3When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. 4And you know the way to where I am going.

What this says to me as that when it's time, it's time. Really nothing we can do when it is our time or someone else's time to go.

Billy Graham answered a question about this:


When we will die is not a matter of accident or chance; the Bible makes it clear that our lives are in God’s hands. He knows the time of our death, and He has even appointed it. The Bible says, “Man’s days are determined; you (God) have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed” (Job 14:5).
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Driven

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Number of posts : 5813
Age : 100
Localisation : Sherbrooke, QC
Registration date : 2011-03-26

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Tue May 08, 2018 8:13 pm

Candlemass, need a hug? I'm afraid I can't offer much else than a long-distance hug. I don't think anything else I could say would particularly help.
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messiaen77

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Number of posts : 1855
Age : 47
Localisation : in a yellow submarine
Registration date : 2011-08-23

PostSubject: Re: My Parents   Fri May 18, 2018 11:57 am

I get it.  We all have regrets and sometimes those regrets weigh more heavily on us than others.  You can't live in the past.  Gotta keep moving forward.  Learn from the past, but don't live there.
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