#&^$*#(@ !!

[ltr]I'm still cussing... and it's destroying me within.


For so many years after coming to faith I had a rein on my tongue. In the last few years, with my surgeries and pain, I began slipping a word here and there when I had a sharp pain. Over time it got worse, but thankfully I never slipped up around anyone as I always cussed when I was alone*. But the Entropy of sin has found me cussing in front of my wife, and more recently occasionally cussing in front of people at the grocery store. And it comes out in a split second, immediately after I think "Geez, why can't I stop that..."


In the beginning I'd be ashamed and apologize to God with intentions on curbing it. But I've become so desensitized that I live with a fear that I'll never be able to draw close to God again cuz of it.

It's a heart issue that roots deeply in my pain and an anger at life and, at times, with God. I know others have it worse and that I should be able to repent and put this behind me, but due to uncountable tries, I feel like it'd be easier to hit the moon with a rock.

What troubles me most is, as my dad before me, I use GD at times. That one breaks my heart. I feel like there are two of me, one that has a filthy mouth and the other that's watching myself, shaking my head in absolute disappointment.

I really don't know what to do. I know cussing won't negate God's gift of salvation, but I hate dishonoring Him daily.

Any suggestions ?



(I know this seems like a thread for the Prayers section, but I'd rather it be here as General Discussion about having a Foul Mouth)




*except when coming out of anesthesia from back surgery
[/ltr]

I have the same problem, I'm afraid. While I've never used GD, I will often let loose a D and then mentally slap myself for it. When I'm out and about I mostly just clench my teeth if I get sharp pain, but in private, I'm definitely more prone to just let loose. Like you, I've noticed I am cussing more freely these days. I think once you open the flood gate, it's hard to close it.

I've found if I try to breathe out with pain rather than gasp in, I'm less likely to cuss. It has the added benefit of easing the pain. Weird. The trick is (and I'm struggling with this myself) is to REMEMBER to do that. It seems to get easier as the weeks pass.

Perhaps you should try to do this:  just get rid of the words that you feel are the most dishonoring and give yourself a break on the ones that don't really matter.  Let's be realistic, folks.  There are so many acceptable words for poop, feces, crap, etc. that we all use.  Why is one little four letter word more meaningful?  Because we let society tell us it was.  I can remember when my grandma used to get on to me for saying "fart" and now it is no big deal.  We put too much power into a word that really means nothing.

Now, the F-word has always been more of a vulgar term just because of what it means.  There is one to work on getting rid of.  The GD you have already said that you are struggling with.  Why not work on removing these two and not worry about the ones that are the equivalent of a more cutesy acceptable work.  Seriously, we can say butt, keister, hiney, etc. but we can't say the word that is the same as a Biblical donkey?  It is the same thing and overly religious people blew it out of proportion.  Just work on the ones that you feel are the worst and don't worry about the rest.

Shockingly, I agree with alldat. Words are only bad because society tells us they are; what’s weird is that’s the only topic believers let society deem what’s acceptable and what isn’t. 

On a side note, I’ve found the more I beat myself up when I “mess up”, the more prone I am to do that thing. When I quit chastising myself for the occasional cuss word, I became less likely to even do it in the first place. Maybe don’t be so hard on yourself and quit working so hard. He doesn’t love you any less because you say @$@&&$ instead of “Oh fiddlesticks!” He loves you as much as he ever will and if you’ll quit working so hard and rest in his love, your life may be a lot less stressful. 

I don’t say those things to be mean; but I think you need to hear them and I love you.

Maybe this will help.




But seriously, I get that it bothers you that you do it, but for me, I feel like there are bigger issues.  I think Ish hit on something too.  When we focus on our failures and our attempts to stop doing things, it sometimes makes it harder to just do it.  Sometimes we need to just take the pressure off ourselves and let the Spirit work.

ishmael81 wrote:

Shockingly, I agree with alldat. Words are only bad because society tells us they are; what’s weird is that’s the only topic believers let society deem what’s acceptable and what isn’t. 

On a side note, I’ve found the more I beat myself up when I “mess up”, the more prone I am to do that thing. When I quit chastising myself for the occasional cuss word, I became less likely to even do it in the first place. Maybe don’t be so hard on yourself and quit working so hard. He doesn’t love you any less because you say @$@&&$ instead of “Oh fiddlesticks!” He loves you as much as he ever will and if you’ll quit working so hard and rest in his love, your life may be a lot less stressful. 

I don’t say those things to be mean; but I think you need to hear them and I love you.

You are shocked that we agree?  Oh, fiddlesticks, you crudmuffin!!!  We typically agree at least once or twice a year. 


Ish is right.  We do tend to remake the errors that we knock ourselves around for committing.  Why do you think it is so hard for a glutton like me to not stop eating?  Because we dwell on it and feel so badly because of what we've done.  We then start the vicious cycle of feeling bad about it, mentally insulting ourselves and ripping apart what self-worth we had, and then eat to comfort ourselves.  It becomes insanity. 

With that said, I am going to do different.  I am going to focus less on my weight and just try to eat healthier.  Who cares if I am big as long as I am improving in small steps?

Heh.   Crudmuffin.

alldatndensum wrote:

ishmael81 wrote:

Shockingly, I agree with alldat. Words are only bad because society tells us they are; what’s weird is that’s the only topic believers let society deem what’s acceptable and what isn’t. 

On a side note, I’ve found the more I beat myself up when I “mess up”, the more prone I am to do that thing. When I quit chastising myself for the occasional cuss word, I became less likely to even do it in the first place. Maybe don’t be so hard on yourself and quit working so hard. He doesn’t love you any less because you say @$@&&$ instead of “Oh fiddlesticks!” He loves you as much as he ever will and if you’ll quit working so hard and rest in his love, your life may be a lot less stressful. 

I don’t say those things to be mean; but I think you need to hear them and I love you.

You are shocked that we agree?  Oh, fiddlesticks, you crudmuffin!!!  We typically agree at least once or twice a year. 


Ish is right.  We do tend to remake the errors that we knock ourselves around for committing.  Why do you think it is so hard for a glutton like me to not stop eating?  Because we dwell on it and feel so badly because of what we've done.  We then start the vicious cycle of feeling bad about it, mentally insulting ourselves and ripping apart what self-worth we had, and then eat to comfort ourselves.  It becomes insanity. 

With that said, I am going to do different.  I am going to focus less on my weight and just try to eat healthier.  Who cares if I am big as long as I am improving in small steps?

Lol. I meant that you are typically a little more conservative about this type of thing. But either way, I wanted to encourage Jim.

Ha ha, Hawkins is a funny guy.

"Squill!"

"Burn it!"

Two examples I've seen from Christian fiction.

When I'm at work, I swear in Italian when I get mad, so no one knows what I'm saying. (Unless you've played the Assassins Creed games with Ezio). When something goes wrong and I blurt out "PEZZO DI MERDA!!" and everybody just looks dumbfounded

Pezzo di merda:  Selection of doo-doo?

Funny that you guys have said not to focus on beating oneself up. I read in a psychology text that if we say "don't do something" the brain hears "do something." Alldat's focus on "eat healthier" is a a great example of this.

I've had this problem my entire adult life.  I joined the Army when I was 19....where cussing was a daily occurance used in almost every conversation.  I've had a really difficult time with it all my life.  So much so that my wife and children purchased this small sign and hung it in my home office.  They thought it was very apt for me, and sadly I had to agree.



I have had some limited success with using substitute words (but I still really struggle when I'm angry).  I find that if I habitually use those substitute words they become almost "second nature" (much like actual swearing).  It isn't the same as "not swearing" but at least it seems better.  These are my favorite substitute swear words.

Son of a Biscuit (I use this one a lot)
Fudge (but I recently started using Fork because I heard it on t.v......my wife hates the F-word but will giggle when I say "Fork" especially when it is obvious something has ticked me off)
Bull Shrimp
Drat no "Double Drat!"

I also still use several vulgar words/phrases that many of my more conservative Christians really frown on. Such as "crap, pissed off, sucks, dang it".

Here is an accountability trick you might want to try, Jim.  Ever hear of a "swear jar"?  The concept is that you put money into a jar every time you swear.  The money then goes to something else other than your own pocket. I know people who have done this and it helped.

For me, the jar wouldn't work.  I'd just raid the jar when I needed money.  Perhaps you could try a "swear CD lockup".  If you swear, you have to surrender one FAVORITE CD to your wife who would then lock it away.  If you swear in front of or at her, you have to give up TWO FAVORITE CDs or records.  You would then have to go an entire day without swearing to earn back whatever was taken away for a day.  If you really want to make it tough, you have to go a full day without swearing to earn back each title.

It is just a suggestion.  It is worth thinking about.

I had a thought: Surely the Lord looks at the intent behind the words. G/F, you said, "I began slipping a word here and there when I had a sharp pain. Over time it got worse." When we swear out of pain, we aren't swearing in anger. There is no venom in your cuss -- you're just a man in pain. I think you might be beating yourself up unnecessarily.

And, if you make the unfortunate mistake to vent in a blasphemous way, then your God knows you are human. You've said you feel guilt. In this feeling is your repentance. By all means try to curb your tongue, but don't beat yourself up about it. God is your judge. He knows your heart. Simply say, "I'm sorry Lord. Help me to curb my tongue" and then let it go. You are forgiven. The burden is lifted.

Quote :

 I think once you open the flood gate, it's hard to close it.

100% truth. I kept a tight lip around my wife for years as I always want to be the representative as the "head". Recently she's used language in conversation as well (something that we were both delivered from at our 2nd Birth). I sometimes feel bad, like I'm being a terrible example to her, even though she's stronger than me in many ways.

Quote :

just get rid of the words that you feel are the most dishonoring

Quote :

Swear jar

I would give my entire music collection to be able to "just" do that. I can't ! I've tried at times, I'll say Shnitzel at times, and when I say "GOD..." I stop and continue with "bless America".
As for a swear jar, I never have any cash    Swear CD ? My wife would have my entire collection by the end of the month. She wouldn't know where to store them 

I'm a pretty mellow guy for the most part, but when it comes to pain and frustrations, I lash out verbally. I originally would feel terrible and realize I need to work on that. But there would be times I'd be in a terrible mood from the pain and just things in my life, and I'd stub a toe - instead of just saying "OH ! Dammmmit" I would go into Ralphie's Dad mode (which I learned from my dad growing up) and it's "GD SOB Fkn Ahol !!!!!!!!"  And of course the more I said it, the more I became desensitized to saying it.
I really am ashamed people. I struggled posting this. I know I posted a similar thread years ago, but it was half as bad then. Posting this is like posting a nudie of myself, I feel very vulnerable doing this, but I love my CHM fam and always treasure your input. Just posting this is me admitting I have a problem like alcohol or whatever, and they say admitting is the first step. I DO NOT want to dishonor my Savior in any way. 

Quote :

I  had a thought: Surely the Lord looks at the intent behind the words. G/F, you said, "I began slipping a word here and there when I had a sharp pain. Over time it got worse." When we swear out of pain, we aren't swearing in anger. There is no venom in your cuss -- you're just a man in pain. I think you might be beating yourself up unnecessarily.

And, if you make the unfortunate mistake to vent in a blasphemous way, then your God knows you are human. You've said you feel guilt. In this feeling is your repentance. By all means try to curb your tongue, but don't beat yourself up about it. God is your judge. He knows your heart. Simply say, "I'm sorry Lord. Help me to curb my tongue" and then let it go. You are forgiven. The burden is lifted.

This is very helpful.  One thing I learned from Rich Mullins is that we need not beat ourselves up over sin since Jesus was already beat up for that sin. I've struggled over the definition of "blasphemous" as I am not cursing God directly - to me it's just an angry outburst over a circumstance - I'm not directing it to the Lord of all Creation in an angry way, shaking my fist at him. I just don't want to hurt, or have to pick up all the broken glass after dropping something  - I can't bend over and pick stuff up off the ground. The stubborn male in me gets so mad at something not going the way I planned it, and that I have to bend over (which hurts) to fix something that happened due to the fact that I cannot feel my hands anymore. Sometimes I feel I am mad at God, that I shouldn't have to suffer like this. But I know in my mind that we all deserve Hell, so I should be thankful for the suffering and use it to glorify Him. 

Idk, Thanks for all the great responses, I took each one into account and hopefully I can rein that tongue again. We'll see.

Glad we could help

NB. The breath out thing helps pain. If you drop something and have to bend over. Stop. Breath. Relax (which is super hard when you're in pain, but worth aiming for because muscle tension will make it 10 times worse) and then as you bend over, breath out in one long breath. I promise it will not make it worse so there's nothing to lose in trying it. Let us know what happens, G/F. Your experience might help others here who are in pain.   

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

This is very helpful.  One thing I learned from Rich Mullins is that we need not beat ourselves up over sin since Jesus was already beat up for that sin.. 

...hopefully I can rein that tongue again. We'll see.

Two thoughts:
Rich is such a hreat example of grace. Quiet, soft spoken, Christ like, smoked two packs a day his whole life and cussed like a sailor when he was mad. Seriously. Google it. 

Second, you don’t have to rein in your tongue. That’s what I was driving at earlier. We don’t have to do anything except trust Jesus - he’ll do all the hard work.

ishmael81 wrote:

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

This is very helpful.  One thing I learned from Rich Mullins is that we need not beat ourselves up over sin since Jesus was already beat up for that sin.. 

...hopefully I can rein that tongue again. We'll see.

Two thoughts:
Rich is such a hreat example of grace. Quiet, soft spoken, Christ like, smoked two packs a day his whole life and cussed like a sailor when he was mad. Seriously. Google it. 

Second, you don’t have to rein in your tongue. That’s what I was driving at earlier. We don’t have to do anything except trust Jesus - he’ll do all the hard work.

I dig Mullins and the movie about him. I literally couldn't hold back when I was watching it and started bawling like a baby - his story opened my eyes to see how legalistic I STILL was, even after dedicating myself to the understanding of Grace vs our human nature to DO SOMETHING. 
I'm in agreement with you. However, I find that the more I cuss, the further distance I place on our relationship... Again, just like our "feeling" the need to do something, I "feel" like I've pushed Him away. This may be the Holy Spirit's conviction or it may be Satan's guilt trip... I'd vote for the latter since it always makes me feel far from Him. You'd think I could tell the difference after walking with the Lord for 27 years... sigh.

Jen ! That works quite well. My problem is, I have no feeling in my hands due to the pinched nerves and damage in my neck (as well as my entire spine). So I drop things ALL the time, and having to pick things up hurts a lot. I do the one arm down and one leg up thing so it doesn't arch my back as much. But doing that AND breathing out as I go down works a lot better !  Course the PT's over the years have given me several of those grabber things, but it's not like I can carry one at all times.

It may be that I'm just impatient and in a hurry most of the time.

But again, that's one aspect of my "mouth", the others are the lightning fast knifes or hideous "pops" that cause amazing pain... if they came on slower, I could think about it, but the split second they happen, I go all "Ralphie's dad".

I'm glad it helped. I know all about sharp pain. My SI joints are ragged and my thoracic spine is chewed up. Sympathy in spades. Those knives are awful. The breathing thing only works when you know the movement you're about to do is going to hurt. Sharp pain will still catch you out, but you can cut down the pain at other times. The trick is to train yourself. Okay...so you drop stuff. Now stop...s-l-o-w  d--o--w--n....breath....and pick the son of a biscuit up.   

To help support your poor body, try a magnesium supplement. Pain can be amplified if we're magnesium deficient. I'm not saying you are, but it would seem to be a good box to tick off the list of possibles. Also, magnesium helps nerve healing as do B-complex vitamins.

Xid wrote:

Pezzo di merda:  Selection of doo-doo?

Close. Piece of ****

That's great. So glad you're taking those.

Hows this for things being related? You take mag for mvpd blah de blah and that ends up helping with the pain from your neck, then you start training yourself to breath to help with pain and that ends up helping the mvpd because deep breathing reduces stress hormone which helps with reducing symptoms of mvpd blah de blah in turn reducing your need to #&^$#(@!! cuss. 

Phew, what a string of words that is!!

I take magnesium daily.  It helps with circulation, too.  My arms and hands don't go numb as much at night when I sleep.