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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 1:47 pm

I wasn't always an introvert. I used to be quite outgoing. I began to drift in my teen years from being very social to an introvert.

*Though raised with 2 mechanics in my family, I cannot and do not talk vehicles as I never learned more than changing tires, oil and filters (and can no longer do those due to my disability). I've only ever wanted a vehicle to get me from point A to point B and care nothing about them otherwise.

*Though I grew up with a brother into sports, I do not talk any sports as I never got into them.

*I do not understand politics and have no interest in learning aside from the obvious things I need to know to vote.

*I do not retain enough knowledge to intelligently converse about my faith and what I thought I knew well is often shot down by various people I speak with. I hold on to my own convictions in my heart and refuse to let anyone trash the basic tenets of my faith, even if that means avoiding conversation.

*That which I DO know is pain and health problems and no one wishes to speak about those depressing party killers.

*I cannot walk far, travel much, be active - so the majority of activities are off the table.

*I struggle with clinical and hereditary depression and it is just enough to put on a plastic smile/attitude for my wife and family.

Why are YOU an introvert ?
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 2:11 pm

I'm a mix of both. I love being in groups and hanging out. We went to a Superbowl gathering that was supposed to be about 8 people that grew to about 25. I loved it!

But sometimes I want people to leave me alone too. Sometimes I want to stay home with my wife and son and relax.

On a side note, have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist? I'm not teasing you or being silly at all. I saw one for about 8 weeks last year and it helped me a lot with my depression and so forth. Sorry to butt in your business but as a brother I'm concerned.
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BearDad



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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 2:28 pm

Leave me alone!
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BearDad



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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 2:28 pm

^^ Wink

I am an introvert because that is just what I am.


  • I am happiest on my motorcycle, alone, going down the highway with no other bikes.
  • If this were 1817 I would be one of those mountain men, living by myself in the hills.
  • I don't like gatherings, and generally hate crowds, and I freely admit I am not very good with people in general.
  • I watch Castaway and wonder why Tom Hanks' character was so anxious to get back!
  • If I were one of the seven castaways on Gilligan's Island I probably would have moved to the other side of the island!
  • I moved from Denver with its 2.8 million people (metro, not proper) to Pierre, SD, where there are 14,000 people, and even that is 13,999 too many.
  • I was very angry when my grandparents sold their farm rather than leave it to their kids like they had originally planned, as I would give anything to live out there and telecommute to work.
  • If my wife were to ever leave me, alive or otherwise, I would likely sell everything I own except a few sets of clothes, a tent, and my motorcycle, and then simply take off, checking in with my kids occasionally so they'd know their old man was still alive.
  • Speaking of my wife, I am not sure why we got married. I think perhaps I saw a kindred spirit, in that we were both alone with no family in a big city (Denver). I know now that one is not the loneliest number despite what Three Dog Night claimed. While I admit I miss my family when they are away, it is only because I am used to them being around. 
  • Sadly, because I am such an introvert I suck at being a good father and husband. Fortunately my wife is a good Christian mother, and as a result my kids have a good foundation in spite of my failures.


G/F, you and I are alike in many ways. See what you did, Dude? You made me open up here in ways I haven't before. This is me, hitting the delete button! Just kidding; I won't delete this post. That way anyone who reads it will have a better understanding why I am the j/a that I am at times. That's not an excuse, just an explanation. (If you don't know what j/a is, PM me and I'll give you the uncensored version. )


Last edited by BearDad on Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:16 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 4:44 pm

I am an introvert because that is what I am.


  • As a child I was extremely shy outside of my family.
  • I have always felt anxious when attending events or going places with others outside of my family.
  • Starting a new school, church or job where I was the new kid has caused the fight for flight instinct to kick in.
  • I can be quite the extrovert when necessary, but only for a short period of time.
  • I want to be noticed but really dislike being the center of attention.
  • Up until a couple of years ago, I always thought I was just weird,  Then I read something about introverts and the majority of the points hit home.
  • I get excited when making plans to do something with others but feel relief when those plans are unexpectedly canceled.
  • Shallow chit chat is annoying.  I've always wondered why I never know what to say with strangers.  Now I know that it's because I'm an introvert.
  • I don't mind large gatherings but I'd rather sit down with just a couple of people and have an intelligent conversation.
  • People who have a very large group of friends confuse me.  I can only maintain a couple of close relationships.  Keeping up with too many people is exhausting.
  • Alone time is good.
  • I'm so thankful that my wife and I are a lot alike in this area.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 4:56 pm

Quote :
On a side note, have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist? I'm not teasing you or being silly at all. I saw one for about 8 weeks last year and it helped me a lot with my depression and so forth. Sorry to butt in your business but as a brother I'm concerned.

I sought help back in 2007, and for 2 horrible years they had me on a revolving door of medication that did nothing but turn me into a zombie and kill my sex drive.  As for therapy, I would want a REAL therapist who is also a REAL Christian. Why the emphasis ? Cuz most Christians with a good heart who counsel you are not professionals, and though the Bible has many answers, its purpose was not to explain the brain and help rehabilitate people who struggle with mental illness. As is the therapist who is not a believer - they cannot marry the knowledge of both mental illness AND our faith. I would seek someone like that for help if I had the money.

I also used to be both, as you said Ish. At times I'd love chillin' with a large group, other times I'd feel panic set in at just the thought. At one point I developed a weird problem that would manifest in large groups. I've hid this my whole life, mentioning it only a couple times to my wife. But now at 47 I've learned it's a mild "agoraphobia". When in large crowds that I have to be social in, I suddenly get a weird feeling like I'm in a dream and not really there. Almost like I'm trippin' on some drug. Had this first happen as a teen, and never knew what the heck it was. It's most awkward to be social when your mind is weirding out like that.

Quote :
Beardad

Yes, reading your points, we ARE a lot alike. However, I WANT to be social and more outgoing... I just ain't... nor can I change the way I am. 
In regards to your marriage and such, I can also relate. Although my wife is my whole world, when she says "If I were to die before you, I want you to remarry"... I always laugh and say, there is NO way I'll ever remarry or even get into a relationship. First off, I only had one true love in my life and no one else could fill Lisa's shoes. Second, my health conditions are a huge bummer to those closest to me, even though they'd deny that. I couldn't put someone else through this, and besides, I like being alone now.  I would probably feel more comfortable having a paid healthcare worker to drop by everyday for a little bit and help me out.

And PS, if you're a J/A, then I'm an A/H Laughing
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:04 pm

XID, the first few points are me to the letter !!!

Quote :
[*]*As a child I was extremely shy outside of my family.

[*]*I have always felt anxious when attending events or going places with others outside of my family.

[*]*Starting a new school, church or job where I was the new kid has caused the fight for flight instinct to kick in.

[*]*I can be quite the extrovert when necessary, but only for a short period of time.

[*]My career of 25 years was the hardest thing ever. Though I was exceptional at what I did and made good money, I used to get panic attacks at work and have to hide them. Many I could, but some made me hide in the bathroom for a while until the Xanax kicked in. It was the most horrible feeling ever. Since going on disability for my back, I've barely had but a few cases and they were mild. I could not go back... just the thought of working again makes me anxiety ridden. (and obviously not to mention, I couldn't work if I wanted to, what with my 85 year old trashed spine)
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:25 pm

Why am I an introvert?

     -Picked on as a child
     -Struggled with my self-image since I was a child
     -Was not interested in many things other boys were (well, except for girls)
     -Don't understand why people do what they do
     -Had an insulting father who also helped to destroy my childhood self-confidence and self-image
     -I am not always a great judge of people's motives so that makes me not trust
     -Scared to death to get up in front of a crowd yet crave it at the same time.
     -I don't know what to say to new people.
     -I can talk to strangers if the conversation starts and even be the life of the party for a short while but then have to get away.
     -

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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:31 pm

When we started speeches and oral reports in school, I just about died of embarrassment the first few times.  I finally got it under some control where I could do it, and once I got up to do it I was fine.  But waiting for my turn I was a blob of nervous anxiety.  The day of our band's first real gig I was a huge bundle of stressed out nervous energy.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:51 pm

Quote :
Alldat

*Picked on as a child
*Had an insulting father who also helped to destroy my childhood self-confidence and self-image
Those two can be added to my list as well... perhaps I should also add something that I've always dismissed.... and the reason I've always dismissed it was cuz I couldn't stand hearing others use it as an excuse for their behavior... but, well, being molested by neighbor kids growing up. Apparently it does mess ya up.
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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:54 pm

Quote :
XID

But waiting for my turn I was a blob of nervous anxiety.

When I was 19, I was under the impression that my social anxieties and panic at speaking to a group of people was the result of being a wuss... being weak, something to overcome. So I took Public Speaking 101 in college. I got thru it and got a B, but I cannot even tell you how extremely difficult that stupid class was... and it did not help in the long run.
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topshot rhit



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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Thu Mar 02, 2017 9:14 pm

I seem to be a cross of Xid and BearDad. Shocked

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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Fri Mar 03, 2017 9:19 am

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
Quote :
On a side note, have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist? I'm not teasing you or being silly at all. I saw one for about 8 weeks last year and it helped me a lot with my depression and so forth. Sorry to butt in your business but as a brother I'm concerned.

I sought help back in 2007, and for 2 horrible years they had me on a revolving door of medication that did nothing but turn me into a zombie and kill my sex drive.  As for therapy, I would want a REAL therapist who is also a REAL Christian. Why the emphasis ? Cuz most Christians with a good heart who counsel you are not professionals, and though the Bible has many answers, its purpose was not to explain the brain and help rehabilitate people who struggle with mental illness. As is the therapist who is not a believer - they cannot marry the knowledge of both mental illness AND our faith. I would seek someone like that for help if I had the money.

I also used to be both, as you said Ish. At times I'd love chillin' with a large group, other times I'd feel panic set in at just the thought. At one point I developed a weird problem that would manifest in large groups. I've hid this my whole life, mentioning it only a couple times to my wife. But now at 47 I've learned it's a mild "agoraphobia". When in large crowds that I have to be social in, I suddenly get a weird feeling like I'm in a dream and not really there. Almost like I'm trippin' on some drug. Had this first happen as a teen, and never knew what the heck it was. It's most awkward to be social when your mind is weirding out like that.

I understand. I saw a therapist who wanted to throw drugs at my issues for a bit. Sometimes, a small dose can help. But I'm talking about a real talk therapist who will sit and just have a conversation with you. They're trained to help you understand why you think the way you think because oftentimes, we don't realize it ourselves. If you were here in Missouri I could recommend several people I've worked with in different capacities but since you're in Cali, I don't know anyone. But I'm sure there's resources out there.
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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Fri Mar 03, 2017 12:17 pm

Quote :
I  understand. I saw a therapist who wanted to throw drugs at my issues for a bit. Sometimes, a small dose can help. But I'm talking about a real talk therapist who will sit and just have a conversation with you. They're trained to help you understand why you think the way you think because oftentimes, we don't realize it ourselves. If you were here in Missouri I could recommend several people I've worked with in different capacities but since you're in Cali, I don't know anyone. But I'm sure there's resources out there.

There may be (although California is a hotbed of liberal thinking), but I'd have no idea where to find the right one, and besides that, we're broke.
I kinda figure they'll just tell me what I already know. I don't have any one thing buried deep that they'd be able to pull out of me and help me heal. I have many issues I struggle with and am well aware of each one. Unfortunately several of them are too much for me to handle, which has caused me to curl up in a corner in my mind and growl at anything that wants to give me trouble. Meh, who knows, maybe the right therapist could bring me to a good place... but I am quite skeptical.
Thanks for talking to me about this.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Fri Mar 03, 2017 12:38 pm

I hear ya bro. It's tough. I don't want to push and it is hard to find "the right therapist" but if you ever did, it could help.  If you ever want to talk, shoot me a PM.
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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Fri Mar 03, 2017 4:47 pm

I really appreciate your offer, and I may take ya up on that. Some days I have to talk myself down from the ledge.... and it'd be nice to have someone else to help me during those crazy stages.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Fri Mar 03, 2017 4:51 pm

If you want, I can PM you my cell number and we can talk on the phone like our grandparents....
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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Fri Mar 03, 2017 4:55 pm

I do believe that we get on so well here, because alot of us are the same.

I can agree with 90% of what has been posted.

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Samson

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Fri Mar 03, 2017 6:07 pm

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
Quote :
Alldat

*Picked on as a child
*Had an insulting father who also helped to destroy my childhood self-confidence and self-image
Those two can be added to my list as well... perhaps I should also add something that I've always dismissed.... and the reason I've always dismissed it was cuz I couldn't stand hearing others use it as an excuse for their behavior... but, well, being molested by neighbor kids growing up. Apparently it does mess ya up.

That was also me. I have made it a personal mission to break down the walls of fear, and engage with others, even when I don't want to. It's not an easy thing to do, and I think working at Dollar General helped my social skills so much.

Breaks my heart that so many of us had fathers who possessed such a critical spirit. After almost 30 years, I was finally able to forgive, TRULY forgive and move on, therefore allowing my Father in heaven to repair the damage that was done.
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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Sat Mar 04, 2017 8:37 am

Fundy wrote:
I do believe that we get on so well here, because alot of us are the same.

Well, all the extroverts are out talking to people face-to-face, not holed up in their homes "talking" with people on the internet. Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Sat Mar 04, 2017 12:17 pm

Believe me I know that there is not a one fix to depression, but I will offer this one thing from experience: go to a doctor (or a specialist) that deals in endocrinology and get tested. Our daughter was suffering to the point of being hospitalized and putting her on drugs. Through a friend we found a Christian doctor specializing in hormones and such. He put her on a natural thyroid medicine and within a short time it became night and day. I got tested as well and found I was lacking in testosterone and thyroid. It has helped with my energy and slight depression. I've also confirmed this with a nurse that told us they always test people's thyroid before they put them on antidepressants and such. Obviously it helps to also have a healthy lifestyle.

Once again, I am not saying that these are sure fire fixes, but it's worked for my family as well as friends that I know, and is an option that a lot of people know nothing about.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Sat Mar 04, 2017 4:49 pm

Quote :
Breaks my heart that so many of us had fathers who possessed such a critical spirit. After almost 30 years, I was finally able to forgive, TRULY forgive and move on, therefore allowing my Father in heaven to repair the damage that was done.

That's super cool bro.
I forgave my dad long ago and we've had a great relationship for a long time... unfortunately it does erase the damage done, and to this day I still struggle with viewing the Father in heaven the same as my earthly father who raised me - distant, busy, always frustrated with me, and hard to please.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Sat Mar 04, 2017 5:12 pm

Quote :
but I will offer this one thing from experience: go to a doctor (or a specialist) that deals in endocrinology and get tested

Thanks for the recommend bro. I had the advantage of working in medical most of my life and being able to have blood tests and see specialists quite often. I was worked up for thyroid as well as a host of other issues over a 10 year period. Thankfully my thyroid levels are perfect. They experimented with several medications over a 2 year period, but I just could not handle the side effects.  That's why I tend to lean towards the possibility of seeing a therapist. Only thing that keeps me from pursuing that (besides being broke) is my Dad seen a therapist in the early 90s (when he was about my age I am now), they even did hypnosis therapy and were able to pinpoint the issues deep in his emotions that made him the way he was... but that's all that was done. They pointed to specific past traumatic events that caused him emotional distress today... that's it. It was educational, but not really helpful, and ultimately he said he already knew those things were difficult issues for him to forget and move on from.
So, Idk... compared to my dad, I have a laundry list of issues, and have no idea how bringing them up and talking about them would increase my broken serotonin maker Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Mon Mar 06, 2017 3:18 pm

I've become less of an introvert with time, so far. I used to be fairly shy, have trouble making friends, get picked on, enjoy my own world of Lego blocks and car drawings when I could, the lot. I didn't really start opening up until maybe Grade 11, which… frig… was already five years ago. I find I can really let myself loose around good friends, or in one-on-one situations, but generally I'm fairly reserved. I've also become much better at interacting with strangers, and being able to call out across the street to offer someone free food at a free supper, for instance. I tend, at loud events, to be able to take it for not more than a few minutes before having to find somewhere to hide and rue loudness.

TL;DR: I'm still an introvert, but not as much as I used to be.
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PostSubject: Re: Why I'm an introvert   Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:09 pm

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
Quote :
Breaks my heart that so many of us had fathers who possessed such a critical spirit. After almost 30 years, I was finally able to forgive, TRULY forgive and move on, therefore allowing my Father in heaven to repair the damage that was done.

That's super cool bro.
I forgave my dad long ago and we've had a great relationship for a long time... unfortunately it does erase the damage done, and to this day I still struggle with viewing the Father in heaven the same as my earthly father who raised me - distant, busy, always frustrated with me, and hard to please.


If you haven't read it, I would encourage you to read Passion for Jesus by Mike Bickle. GREAT book
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