Recluse

rec·luse

ˈrekˌlo͞os,rəˈklo͞os/

noun
1. a person who lives a solitary life and tends to avoid other people


So, I'm sure Alldat will identify with this- I've always been somewhat to myself. Matter of fact, all my relationships were the result of the female pursuing me. Not that I wanted to live alone, I don't think anyone wants to live completely alone, but I didn't pursue relationships. Perhaps that was why I was more attractive, the fact that I was "hard to get"- LOL ! But the older I get, the less I want to socialize in person. Not that I can't, I just don't want to. Ironically, I LOVE chatting online though. 

In analyzing myself, I was just an awkward kid who couldn't live up to his Dad's expectations, and I also lived in the shadow of my older "perfect" brothers (one got all "A's" all the time, and the other was a mechanical genius by 12). As an adult, I believe the reason is my condition.  Being in pain 24/7 I feel like that injured dog who crawled in a corner and growls at anyone who walks by.

The thing that bothers me about this is, I've always WANTED to be social. When I was standing in a back corner at a party by myself, I actually wanted to be out there having fun with the others. 
I worry lately, cuz despite having no choice with my disability, I'm turning into a recluse. I don't want to go out or socialize. I'm perfectly content in my own little corner doing my own thing. I'm content flipping thru albums at a thrift store or wherever. Yet in the back of my mind, I always wish I could share my interests in music with someone who has the same excitement about it as I. I guess that's why I enjoy these music boards and facebook.

Anyways, that's what's on my mind today as I pack for an awesome concert that I'd prefer to watch from my living room couch -LOL !

I've never been one to actively pursue the friendship of much of anyone.  I was very interested in girls during junior high and high school so I did seek them out.  I do really like people individually though.  But I really dislike crowds.
If it wasn't for my wife I'm not sure I would go out and do anything social much at all.

Right there with ya brother!

Just don't be a "De'Cluse!"

I have come to realize that I am what is now labeled as a "social introvert".  I enjoy crowds...for a time.  I enjoy people.....for a time.  I enjoy social interaction if I am treated as an equal.....for a time.  Then, it is time to retreat quickly to my hole for refuge until the next social interaction.  I can be the life of a party, but I want to get out of there quick when you have to go past the small talk and actually be friends.  I can't trust people much as I was picked on so much as a kid and as a teen.  I've always been awkward with relationships and have avoided many of them.  It affects me as an artist as the biggest drawback to me being able to build a band is.....well.....me.  I can't seem to build a relationship strong enough to where I can bond with people to trust them with my art.  I replay this over and over as I live mostly in solitude with many social outings to get my fill of people.  Then, it is retreat time.

Trusting people with your art is hard.  It was hard for me to send stuff to Dillon for vocals and it was even hard for me to put the mastering in your hands, Chris. 

I like the idea of social gatherings but once I'm in them, I don't know what to do with myself.

I wouldn't call myself a recluse, I'm just not much of a "people person" and I really don't like crowds. That said, I've picked out a nice, solitary place to hide from the world should any unfortunate demise take my family from me.

Now leave me alone!

Quote :

Trusting people with your art is hard.  It was hard for me to send stuff to Dillon for vocals and it was even hard for me to put the mastering in your hands, Chris.

Thank you for trusting me.  I may share old out of print albums that I've redone, but I will not betray the trust of someone with their new work--especially not a friend.  You won't have any friends if you do that.

CHM is the official house of the recluse.  I crave solitude.

Well it seems as though I'm in good company here then :-)

alldatndensum wrote:

Quote :

Trusting people with your art is hard.  It was hard for me to send stuff to Dillon for vocals and it was even hard for me to put the mastering in your hands, Chris.

Thank you for trusting me.  I may share old out of print albums that I've redone, but I will not betray the trust of someone with their new work--especially not a friend.  You won't have any friends if you do that.

Oh, I never thought for a moment that you'd share the music.  It's the letting others put their touches on the work that's hard.

You're welcome and thank you.  You're doing a great job!

Quote :

You're welcome and thank you.  You're doing a great job!

Sadly, I've been so busy lately that finding time to work on yours or my own music is next to impossible.  I am hoping that I can get some free time this week.  If life doesn't slow down a little, then I am going to have to just scream!


As far as discussing being a recluse, I am a social introvert as I've already stated.  So, while I like getting away from people, I also find myself almost literally starved to death for a couple of real time friends.  I don't have any.  I have a slew-full of acquaintances that I almost never hang out with.  I need a couple of friends but have no clue as to actually make them and retain them.  I've never had much luck with that.

So just my $0.02...

I'm not a recluse or an introvert. I do prefer to be with a small group of close friends but do well in a larger group. For instance, last Thursday after band practice, I went to dinner with our drummer/lead pastor and the other guitarist. We had a blast just talking and hanging out.

As far as needing friends, I believe we do. I believe our faith is built around community with other believers. I know it's difficult but I also see a lot of what my therapist calls self-labeling which usually leads to self-fulfilling prophecies.

I won't call anyone specific out but will give an example of myself. I always used to say I couldn't trust people. Then I would make a new friend and refuse to trust him. Soon, he got tired of it and we weren't friends anymore. this happened several times.

Now, I've put myself out there and forced myself to trust some close friends (I have 4 or 5) and I have some amazing friendships.

I fit into Alldat's description pretty well. Unrequested (not necessarily unwanted) social interaction is like food: I like it, but I get full after a while. It's worse when I get tired, because then I usually get downright POd at my social environment. Now, one-on-one with someone I appreciate… now that's gold. Just this afternoon, I drove back from an event with a guy who's been more or less my mentor, and it did me a lot of good.

I like to be alone.

I don't mind to be alone.

I don't want to be alooooone… in my so- li- tuuuuuuude !!!!