OK, the first 2 chapters.

In response to a post by Yvonne, I have figured out a way to let you all read the first two chapters of the book I have written. I would appreciate anyone who would like to read it to read it and give me some feedback. Please let me know if you think this is something you would be interested in reading more of and where I can improve these two chapters. I have found a publisher that will accept open manuscripts, but they only want an outline and the first two chapters. I have proofread and edited this part for submitting it to the publisher. I need these to be as polished as possible to get the publisher interested. Here is the link and I appreciate all of your help.

http://webpages.charter.net/nazpastor/Threads/Chapter1.htm

I would be first in line to buy this book. Your writing is excellent Tim. What makes it even more emotional is knowing it's true.

Thanks Jim,

No other input?

apologetixfreak wrote:

I would be first in line to buy this book. Your writing is excellent Tim. What makes it even more emotional is knowing it's true.

I bet you I would get there first

that was really good I would buy a book like that anytime

Nazpastor I have read the first chapter.
Yes all in English and I understood it.
Well ..... that's great for me.

I can imagine how the news about Ryan was a shock for your family.
The fact not to know what's going on with him and how serious it was.
Soon I will read the second chapter.

How is Ryan doing now?

From the outside he looks great. He is now in first grade. His hair has all grown back and covers his scar. His parents bought him an adult sized tricycle that he can ride with his friends now. He loved riding his bicycle before this happened and since the surgery his balance does not allow him to ride without falling at times. He does not like falling so my brother found a place to special order the adult tricycle. He can ride nearly 1 mile (about 1.6 Kilometers) on his tricycle. He does have a limp because he does not have complete muscle control on the left side. His left arm is the most noticable result. It hangs at his side much of the time as he cannot control the muscles in it very well. Mentally he is completely untouched. He is a very intelligent little boy and the surgery, chemotherapy and radiation have not affected his eyes or ears.

In September 2007 he had an MRI performed to check inside his head. A bright spot showed on the MRI and the doctor was concerned that another tumor was re-forming. He had another MRI in October and the spot had shrunk slightly and appeared to be darkening from the inside, indicating that whatever caused the spot to show up was going away. He had yet another MRI on Monday of this week and the spot was identical to what it had been in October. The doctor has decided that it is probably not another tumor because a tumor would have either grown or shrunk, depending on if the chemo Ryan takes one week each month was working. Since the spot stayed the same, the doctor believe it is a shadow that showed up as a result of the radiation treatment. That is a condition known as radiation necrosis and it is not harmful.

All in all Ryan is doing incredibly well.

As for my book, the portion I have posted has already been revised slightly again. I am editing the entire book and it now contain all of the posted information plus several more pages in chapter 1.

Please pray for me as I undertake this project. I believe God wants me to get Ryan's story out to the public. It is such an amazing journey that it touches everyone who reads about it. I want to have the best work possible and I want to glorify God for all of the miracles He has performed in our family. I believe it offers hope when there really does not seem to be a way.

AMEN!!
Thats great to hear how he is doing I will pray that God will help you with this ptoject.

Nazpastor, it shows that God really heals in our time too.
When God showed you to tell the story of Ryan He will help you to to publish the book
It really show how big God is.

Hey Naz, I finally got around to reading the two chapters you have posted and I am very moved by what I have read. You are doing a good job of conveying emotion (something that can be difficult in writing). Your writing is also clear and understandable.

Now for the critique part.
I did find one tiny grammatical error in the first chapter. The second sentence of the 3rd paragraph starts with "He voice..." I am sure you meant to write "His voice..." You have probably already caught that one. But you should definitely get a few people (better at grammar than I) to proof read it.

The only other criticism I might offer is this. As someone who doesn't know any of the people in your story I am having a difficult time connecting with them. You might want to offer a little insight to these people (just to get us attached to them). I understand you are writing this as a non-fiction work, but it really makes a reader more involved with the work if they can empathize with the people in the story (this maybe something you are doing latter in your writing I don't know-difficult to tell with only 2 chapters).

Again great job!